On a beach vacation, Jay Palter learns to accept his body by finding himself comfortably in the middle of average.
Originally appeared at Homemade Dad
It always takes me the first few days of a beach vacation just to get comfortable in the attire, or lack thereof.
The wardrobe of the cold wintry north is much more forgiving when it comes to those of us with body image issues. Bulky layers make everyone look a bit bigger and rounder. But around the pool during vacation, it all comes down to the trunks.
When I first arrive at the pool for my winter vacation, I am very self-conscious of my body, all soft and pasty from too much time sitting in front of computers indoors. But body consciousness is not limited to mine only – I’m checking out everyone else’s too, as we all get comfortable without most of our clothes.
Now, I’m a bit heavier these days than I’ve ever been, so I’m not feeling all that buff. On top of that, I have this little bump on my tummy, just above my belly button – some kind of hernia that just won’t go away. So not only do I have to suck it in, but I have to push it in too. I know, too much information.
Then, of course, there’s the question of body hair and what to do with it? It seems that hair is out these days, certainly in the metrosexual circles. I guess it’s ultimately a matter of opinion and taste, but to the person who matters most in my life (certainly when it comes to matters of body hair), there is a strong preference is for the groomed look. The less hair the better. I can’t quite get comfortable with the completely hairless me, but I’m getting close. Truth is, I kinda like it. But, that’s quite a different article.
Back to body image and pool attire. What I’ve found sitting around the pool and walking on the beach for a few days is that people come in all shapes and sizes. (No shit, Sherlock.) Yet this comes as quite a revelation. Any self-consciousness I experience standing in front of the mirror is always in relation to a body image ideal that, relatively speaking, just isn’t that common. I mean, there are guys out there with sculpted hard bodies and nice tans, but they are the minority. The majority of guys are overweight, the worst with bellies that look like they are carrying their offspring and large man boobs to go with it. And then there’s the pasty white skin and the guys with hair everywhere. And I mean e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. As far as I can tell, when it comes to the average body, I land somewhere in the middle, decidedly 50th percentile. Maybe even slightly better than average if I suck it (and push it) in.
This revelation is rather freeing. I don’t feel quite as self-conscious walking around with my shirt off and my extra 25 pounds hanging over my bathing suit waistline and my hernia poking through my abdominal wall. And as the tan starts to set in, I feel almost confident in my 50th percentile-ness. Fat, I observe, in people and in food, is much more appealing when it’s rendered to golden brown.
So, I’m settling into the vacation very well, thank you very much. Just in time to head back to the frozen arctic in a few more days.
Photo courtesy of AN HONORABLE GERMAN
This becomes even more profound when visiting a nudist camp or nude beach. Or even nude friendly locker rooms. I also believe that having healthy body image comes from seeing others nude (and truly “seeing” them nude), in a non judge-mental, playful, natural way that the societal issues of body image, porn addiction, unhealthy attitudes of sexuality would begin to melt away.
Unclear what’ your message’s supposed to be: have 25 extra pounds, it’s OK? Well, it’s not OK, it’s 25 now and 50 in 5 years and 100 in 10, then it’s straight to heart attacks, diabetes and such, so who’s supposed to pay for all the fat people lacking discipline and needing way too much medical attention?
It’s not OK to be unfit and not take care of your fat rolls, no need to try and hide your own laziness behind that “media forced body image” stuff.
Media gets old, telling us what to think accept, act. Plus I dont like the message its send my children. The more people realize that the world isnt as perfect as it is on TV, maybe the more TV will try or attempt to mirror real life? Better to enjoy life and have fun, then to worry during the little bit of time you can have fun. Because then what is the point of evening trying to have fun to begin with? The other thing people need to think, who do I know or who knows me. I think kids… Read more »
I loved this! Men admitting that they have body image issues. Your honesty is refreshing Jay, thanks. I’ve felt self-conscious about my body as well and still work on it. Society has created a standard for what a man’s body should look like just as much as they have for a woman’s. I’ve learned that the media should never be your guide for what is acceptable. They always have an agenda. Next time I take off my shirt in public I will think about this article and feel a little better. Thanks!
That’s not to say that we shouldn’t strive to buff up our middling mid-sections — just that we shouldn’t beat up ourselves over it. Thanks for the feedback, VV.
Yes, you should. Because a fatty mid-section screams diabetes.
Jay, your observation is spot on: most of us really are in the average (or majority). After all, “normal” means something that’s in the “norm”, i.e. the average. I obsessed over my body image for a long time, until I realized what you said: it felt bad because I was comparing it to an idealized, perfect, “the-way-it-should-be” body. In that moment, I realized I wasn’t ugly: I was just “normal”, average. Like most people. Wow. What a relief. 🙂 Since then, I’m much less critic when I look at myself (ok, sometimes I’m less critic 😉 ). When I notice… Read more »