Leah Medina had grown up being told harmful stereotypes about men. She’s sorry she believed them.
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To the Men of the World,
On this Day of Peace, I dedicate my efforts to you.
As a little girl, I was raised with poisonous ideas about men and they tainted how I thought of you. The old “they only want one thing” was popular, along with many other variations on the theme that you were somehow the problem, because everyone knew that men were violent, controlling, callous and self-centered. It’s hard not to take this at face value when you are a child, and when unfortunately some men do live up to this stereotype. But that’s just it — some men do, but most men don’t.
When you’re looking for something, you tend to find it, and unfortunately I was looking for the violence and cruelty I had been told about. I was trying to brace myself, but instead of protection I found alienation. The more hurt I expected, the more I found, and so I felt justified in being defensive and neurotic. I could see that I really needed to shift my focus.
For years I had been trudging through a swampland of misery and frustration, unable to find my way out no matter how many self-help books I read, no matter how much self-reflection I did. These books told me to write down all that was hurtful, all the things that I needed to forgive. But it didn’t help. And then I remembered an old saying, “You cannot find light by looking into the darkness.” I realized suddenly that I was focusing on all the negative experiences trying to make sense of them in order to find the answer, but in ignoring all the positive experiences I’d had, I was blind to the light that was there all along, waiting to guide me out of the mire.
So I sat down and wrote a list of all the good men I had encountered and all that was right with (instead of wrong with) what they did. I was struck with bitter sadness when I realized how much kindness and respect I had ignored.
But I finally see. Finally! And so I want to say I’m sorry, and to ask for your forgiveness. Please forgive me for not seeing it when you were showing me your true colors, your sweet vulnerability and your kindness. Forgive me for the times when you respected me and I relegated you to the side because that behavior didn’t fit in with the story I was fed about who men were. And thank you for those gifts. I didn’t feel them at the time, but they were not forgotten. I am moved and humbled and profoundly grateful to have been so very wrong. I see the full force of your beauty now, and I will do my best to show my appreciation.
I apologize for the hurt I may have caused, and I ask that if you feel that your heart needs forgiveness too, please free yourself of the burden of guilt. We all feel hurt and anger, but if we clean out these tenants who are taking up space in our hearts, there will be more room for love. I imagine that giving and receiving forgiveness goes hand in hand with giving and receiving love. Therefore, it is my wholehearted wish that this letter be a step toward a much needed healing between our sexes. Ho’oponopono is the Hawaiian prayer of reconciliation, and if you would, please allow me to dedicate this to you, the men of the world:
I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
Sincerely,
An Awakened Woman
21 Sept 2013
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Photo: maroonsurreal / flickr
Leah, you are forgiven.
But don’t stop here, tell your story on Tumblr, Jezebel and sites like that.
no need for forgiveness, we all need to abandon the harmful toxic stereotypes we have about each other, and say to society that them pushing these stereotypes is not the way to go
As a MGHOW , I Leah I appreciate the apology. I think ultimately for men and women to heal, there needs to be forgiveness. I think many men appreciate a woman who is conscious of her former views about men growing up. However, a lot of men have been hurt by women. For example, many men on various internet blogs claim a lot of women have hurt them and they have given up on dating and/or marriage. These men who have been hurt call themselves Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW). While I acknowledge and appreciate an apology, I have… Read more »
This is why apathy is so great. There’s no need to ‘heal’. No need for ‘forgiveness’. When you simply don’t give a fig about any of the crap and live your life the way you want (free from stress caused by women), pursue your goals, etc., life becomes SO much better than it ever was when time was wasted on dating and relationshits.
You have interesting points of view,aspects of which I can identify with.But you know,it isn’t just because of the pain I have suffered that has made me so circumspect. It is the wholesale denial of and ignorance that my pain exists in equal measure to a woman’s.Efforts to correct this are forestalled because culture tells women that they are the rulers of the emotional realm. As rulers of this world,they bless whose issues are worthy of consideration. We are generations away-perhaps two- before this truly changes.In a significant way.Inorder for this change to occur more epihanies,like the one this young… Read more »
Yea good point ogwriter. The gist of my comments was while men that have been hurt by women can surely forgive but the damage has already been done and is not fixable or not easily fixable.
But I agree with you in that this awakened women who wrote this is a rare breed at least in America and many Western countries and I commend her for that. But most women are not awakened in this sense and as a result the relationship between men and women especially in the romantic/dating world has deteriorated immensely.
This is the kind of redemptive dialogue that is actually going to help us get to the next stage in human evolution when it comes to finding a new way for men and women to be together.
Wow, that must have been a brick wall.
A wonderful and redemptive sentiment. Thank you for having the courage to express it. I would humbly suggest we all could use some forgiveness. Every last human being on the planet.
Hi, no apologies needed, you where a victim of harmfull teaching witch installed in you a negative view of men. Lots of people have/had the same troubles as you (woman/mmen hating, racists, anti gays etc) its a herculean task to uninstall the bad “software” so kudos to you. But be careful in the future to not fall back in the old path (it happens to everybody).
Best wishes for the future.
I struggle with this, I have to say. Sometimes there’s an element of “why do you want cookies for simply figuring out to be a decent human being” in my response to this sort of confession.
But….
Some of us (me included) find even being a minimally decent human being really difficult at times, often due to upbringing.
So well done. Apology accepted. 😉
No worries.
You were shrouded in darkness and are finding the light. that’s what matters.
There is nothing to forgive. You simply saw what you were taught to see. Now you haves armed to see with your own eyes and to share your vision with others. For that, I thank you.
We forgive you.