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As a veteran of the Navy and a firefighter in a dominantly male field I’ve been thinking about something different. A software update, a change of perspective, a more chill way of looking at our interactions together.
What’s a Dude? Well, a Dude looks at life less rigidly. As the most famous Dude said, “This aggression will not stand, man.” While Bro Code is dominantly concerned with the preservation of the rigid stereotype of what a man is demanded to be, even to the point of violence, Dude Code accepts many forms of expression. Dudes understand that strength doesn’t exclusively exist in the form of heightened masculinity. It exists in the feminine just as equally, and maybe even more considering that the female gender is the one who deals with the civilization building pain of childbirth, to mention nothing of the monthly task of maintaining that noble role. So when a Dude displays the feminine side, he doesn’t judge, castigate, or loathe himself, a Dude accepts it. A Dude is a feminist because he knows that the feminine is our mode of survival. A Dude is a feminist because he loves and respects our mothers, sisters, wives, and friends as equals.
Behind the scenes, when the Bro’s are in their homogenized groups, they can openly disrespect other groups. Sometimes racist, sexist, and bigoted jokes are allowed because there is no one in the group who will take personal offense to these jokes. A Dude understands that although no one might be present to take personal offence, the acceptance of these jokes at any time perpetuates these mindsets. A Dude doesn’t encourage or accept these ideas because he understands that these ideas are harmful.
Bros might travel, but they might travel in small and safe circles. A Dude is worldly, cultured, and understands what its like to be a minority in a strange land. He therefore does all that he can to support minorities. While at one moment he may be in the majority, a Dude understands that the essence of life is change, and that majorities change with it. Dudes accept this, and instead of fighting back against these changes, Dudes focus on ways to make everyone stronger. Because we are all connected, and what happens to one, might happen to another.
While a Bro can be homophobic, often to the ironic point of displaying the most blatant forms of homoeroticism with the caveat of “no homo” and openly having the privilege of blatant homosexual behavior under the safety of their heterosexual relationship, a Dude understands the need for same-sex bonding. A Dude doesn’t judge or define or place boundaries on the male emotional need for same-sex connection. A Bro isn’t allowed to have emotions, or love for another Bro. A Dude accepts that men need same-sex friendship, same-sex love, and a place for emotional expression. A Dude knows that it doesn’t make you gay to love another person of the same sex, and values love among all people, across all lines. A Bro thinks it’s weak and feminine to cry. A Bro equates femininity with weakness. A Dude understands that everyone cries, and that’s healthy. A Dude knows that homophobia has its roots in sexism, and since he’s a feminist, he’s not a homophobe.
Some Bros think that global warming is hocus pocus, and don’t care about what happens in the forests and villages of the Amazon. But a Dude understands what it means to be a steward, to be responsible for something. A Dude is an environmentalist and is concerned with the consequences of our actions. Are we taking care of our home? Are we taking care of ourselves and others?
A Bro can be anyone. Bro is an insular mindset, ethnocentric, blatantly un-curious about anything that doesn’t directly have to do with themselves.
Just as a Bro can be anyone, so can a Dude. A dude can be a man, or a woman, or someone that doesn’t fall specifically into either of those genders. A Dude can be an American, or Ethiopian, able-bodied or disabled, skinny or overweight. And that’s the strength of a Dude, an accepting, inclusive, open-minded person who draws connection to people instead of dividing lines. Because a dude understands that the preservation and inclusion of all types of people, gives the dude’s own affiliate group the ability to thrive and preserve its own. Dude Code values diversity because Dude Code upholds freedom for all. Maybe we need a little bit more Dude Code in our lives. Maybe the era of Bro Code is coming to an end.
The role of men is changing in the 21st century. Want to keep up?
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
A Bro isn’t allowed to have emotions, or love for another Bro. What kind of bros are you dealing with? Even with all the flaws of the Bro Code this isn’t one of them. Bros love and care about each other even if they don’t express it in ways that the rest of society deems acceptable. The irony here is that supposed inclusive progressives and Dudes claim to be accepting and supportive of all people but as soon as they come across something that doesn’t meet their approval they attack it and try to silence it. I also notice that… Read more »
Danny, First off, thank you for keeping the conversation going and for teaching me about things I might not have seen before. I can see why you think that this essay is excluding “bro’s” but I was trying my best not to alienate anyone. I was using the term “bro” as a mindset, and from my experience that mindset is usually an exclusive one that doesn’t include women, and often certain minorities. Including feminism was a tough sell, I know that, but I don’t know how else to say that us men can include and esteem the women in our… Read more »
Including feminism was a tough sell, I know that, but I don’t know how else to say that us men can include and esteem the women in our lives much better. You just did (in bold). I’m glad you are taking the time to listen so I want to make the most of this opportunity. There are reasons that feminism is a tough sell and proponents of it often choose to ignore those reasons and just keep saying that those that don’t agree are broken or somehow wrong by default. I won’t go into full details but one major reason… Read more »
Danny,
I appreciate all of the thought you put into your responses, and am learning a great deal about how to articulate my thoughts properly. Your conversation has me thinking about better ways of discussing these topics, and I’ll do my best not to alienate people in the future. Thank you for all your feedback and for the open and honest dialogue!
Hi again Lance. Its a tough sell largely because instead of taking the time to find out why people aren’t buying its just assumed those who aren’t buying must be bad people. No other possibilities are even considered.
Wow Lance, you really get it. Thanks for all you say and do. Much love!
Thank you Susi, and much love right back to you!
You lost me here … “A Dude is a feminist because he knows that the feminine is our mode of survival.” who are you to label me? By saying what you did. you have disregarded the majority of men. Bringing “feminism” into the discussion does no more then push an agenda and ignored men as a whole.
Tom,
Would it change your mind if I said, “A dude esteems females as equals because he knows that the female is our mode of survival…”? I know that the term feminist is a trigger word, but I didn’t know how else to say that women are equals to men. What do you think?
Much better wording. What I’ve found through the years is that the beliefs that feminist hold are the very same beliefs as feminists. I was never a feminist but faughts for the same rights.