It’s always good to have friends. Even if you’re employed, they come in handy—but when you’re unemployed, they’re essential.
I am not suggesting the answer to unemployment is to mooch off your friends until you get a job. That would not make you a very good friend (or person) unless your friends are rich and willing. What I’m suggesting is that friends can provide necessary support short of serving as surrogate parents.
For starters, the fact that you have friends means that someone can put up with you who is not required to due to familial expectations. That means you’re not a total train wreck if you have even one friend. At first this may seem insignificant, but friends, particularly close friends, can be hard to come by, and they are even harder to come by if you’re unemployed because more than 40 percent of American adults meet their friends at work. Thirty-five percent meet their friends through other friends. So if you don’t have a job or pre-existing friendships, you would seem to be screwed.
You’re potentially even more screwed if you are single, male, and young—which are the prime attributes of a lonely person in America. It’s somewhat obvious why being married would make you less lonely—unless you picked the wrong person—and younger people are less likely to be married. But why are men lonelier than women? The answer lies in how we choose to cope with our sorry states of affairs. Instead of talking about our problems and emotionally connecting with another human being (sometimes a therapist is the best choice, but friends and family can also be helpful), we tend to isolate ourselves more. We also tend to abuse substances more. The isolation and substance abuse then make us less social and more aggressive, so we become even more isolated—and lonelier.
The solution is first to work on yourself so that you are the kind of person someone would want to be friends with and not avoid. Then, be sure to keep up with the friends you already have and build new relationships wherever and however you can. If your friends work and you don’t, you probably have more time to spare. Do them favors: water their plants, watch their pets and children, clean their swimming pool, wax their car, help them fix sh*t around the house. Or be the one friend they can rely on when they want to go out and everyone else is busy. In return, they will likely tolerate your angry rants about canned-response rejections, useless resume-building workshops, and callous corporate assholes. They might also buy you a drink or two to numb the pain. If you’re really lucky, they may even have a job-related lead to get you off the couch and back on your feet.
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want to join our calls on a regular basis, please join us as a Premium Member, today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all-access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class, and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group, and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Matthew Johnson is a writer, editor, and UX designer. He has published numerous academic articles, op-eds, and sponsored posts. He is co-author of the 2018 book Trumpism: The Politics of Gender in a Post-Propitious America. He has also served as an educator in a variety of contexts.
I am not suggesting the answer to unemployment is to mooch off your friends until you get a job. That would not make you a very good friend (or person) unless your friends are rich and willing. What I’m suggesting is that friends can provide necessary support short of serving as surrogate parents.
