TASK #42: BROTIQUETTE
“Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.” Mark Twain
What separates man from beast? Not much. Take your average ape. He walks around with his ass hanging out. Or dogs–they crap in the neighbor’s yard. Camels spit. Pigs don’t bathe and coyotes eat cats. I’ve done all of the above, except eat cat. So I ask you again: What’s the difference? I’ll tell you: a soul, a pair of jeans, and etiquette!
Brotiquette is bro etiquette, which means being a good wing man, and not hitting on your bud’s woman, or napalming another man’s bathroom, or drinking a guy’s last beer, or vomiting on a friend’s $100 dress shoes that he wears once or twice a year to weddings, funerals and family occasions.
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Brotiquette is bro etiquette, which means being a good wing man, and not hitting on your bud’s woman, or napalming another man’s bathroom, or drinking a guy’s last beer, or vomiting on a friend’s $100 dress shoes that he wears once or twice a year to weddings, funerals and family occasions.
But I also want to talk about etiquette in general, which is important, especially in this day and age, when tempers are on edge and violence is in the air.
So I looked up some rules on etiquette, which is a weird word by the way. Anywhoo, this is some of the stuff I found:
IN GENERAL:
–Dress appropriate to the occasion, i.e. don’t wear crocs to a restaurant. Actually, don’t wear crocs at all.
–Let people OFF the elevator before you try to push your way on.
–Give a brother a “good morning”, or “how the hell are ya?”, or at least a smile.
–Hold the damn door open for the next person through…
–Be on time. Always.
–Tip appropriately.
–Do you have roommates? Don’t eat their food or drink their liquor.
–Shake hands with a purpose.
AT SOMEONE’S HOME
–Chew with your mouth closed.
–Say please, thank you and excuse me.
–Don’t hog the food.
–Complement their furniture, even if it looks like they dragged it out of the alley.
–Wash your hands after you use the bathroom.
–No spit takes.
WHEN COMPETING
–Play fair. Don’t cheat. Even if you can…
–Lose with dignity. I know this one personally, as I had to take shit this fall from a dumbass who is a die-hard Iowa fan. The corn-fucks lucked out and beat the Buckeyes and I just smiled and congratulated him, though I wanted to wring his neck.
AT THE GYM
–Rack your weights.
–Wipe down the equipment. Don’t be that guy…
–Keep a towel on in the locker room. Don’t show off your junk.
ON-LINE
–Never say something on-line that you wouldn’t say to a person’s face.
AROUND WOMEN
–Don’t stare at their tits.
–Put down the toilet seat.
–Hold open the car door.
–If you’re sitting next to a woman, keep the man-spread to a minimum.
–Try a little hygiene.
TASK:
Get out there in the world and try a little etiquette. And don’t be stingy about it.
Photo by Vilmos Vincze