—
Who would have thought that being made redundant could mess with your head so much? Three years ago it happened to me. I had a job in an industry that I loved and had studied for. In fact, most of the time it didn’t even feel like a job, because I actually enjoyed it. Then, in the blink of an eye, I was made redundant.
It was 2 months before I got married. I got a small payout, so it wasn’t financially disastrous at the time. I figured I’d land on my feet again quite easily. Always have. That’s where I took what I had for granted.
It wasn’t until a couple months later that I began to feel the effects of being made redundant.
Unwanted, expendable, useless
Let’s look at the word itself. A quick Google brings up this:
Redundant: no longer needed or useful; superfluous. The synonyms are: unnecessary, not required, inessential, unessential, needless, unneeded, uncalled for, dispensable, disposable, expendable, unwanted, useless. Happy days!
I had been in my job for 9 years. Yet in terms of appreciation, all I received was a letter to say your services are no longer required, here’s some money, goodbye.
Why was redundancy so devastating?
For so many men, what you do defines who you are. It’s the first question you get asked when you meet anyone new. Think about it. Every time you meet someone, you get asked, or you ask, “what do you do?”. And depending on the answer, we put each other in these little boxes of significance.
If you say “I’m a plumber”, you automatically get boxed and ranked. In fact, you also box and rank yourself. If you say “I’m a doctor”, teacher, businessman or supermarket cleaner, you get ranked accordingly.
I’m not saying I like it or agree with it. But it’s what happens.
Almost no-one asks “so tell me more about you, what type of person are you”? In fact, try it, and see how it changes the conversation. Listen how many people will answer you with what they do anyway.
The types of questions we get asked and answer, are almost always related to work. Not that I really thought I cared, until I didn’t have work or a clear and defined day to day existence to define myself.
I felt like a failure
After a while, I started to feel like a failure of sorts, like I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I found myself without direction. Probably because I was.
I’ve never been a career person, but I’d always had a strong sense of what I wanted to be doing. Now I was unsure. It affected my confidence, my sense of self, my marriage, my life. Redundancy seemed to redefine me as someone who was ‘without purpose’.
Purpose and contribution
I’ve always considered ‘purpose’ to be overrated, until I didn’t have one.
Having a reason to get up each morning, contribute to the world, feel worthy and valued, is BIG. Really big!
Tony Robbins defines ‘contribution’ as one of the six essential needs of humans. The other five are love, significance, certainty, variety and growth.
Redundancy has a way of undermining your sense of ‘contribution’. And when that goes, guess what? It affects the other five.
If you’re not contributing, it’s highly likely your sense of significance will drop. You are probably not going to grow much when you’re in that state of mind, and as for feeling loved, well, YOU tell me.
If your self worth is attached to what you do, it’s going to be a long ride. The two needs that ARE being met are certainty and uncertainty. You certainly don’t have a job, and you are uncertain about what the future holds.
How redundancy is helping me to refine myself
1. I am not what I do
I had to learn that my job, career, business, title, status or endeavours, are not what make me me. They may give an indication of the types of things that interest me, motivate me, help me to find my way of contributing to the world, but in the end, they are not me. They are things or tasks that I perform in the world. They are not me.
2. I am worthy
Worthiness is a direct reflection of who you are. I was born worthy as a human being. I will live worthy as a human being. And I will die worthy as a human being. My worth is tied to the very fact that my heart beats and my lungs fill with air, without any conscious efforting of my own.
I am worthy because I am here. I am worthy because I have a unique set of traits that no other person on the planet contains in quite the same combination. I am worthy because I am part of this bigger, deeper, wider thing we call ‘life’.
3. The universe does have my back
Regardless of the decisions and choices of those around me, or the economic state of the business I work in, there is a bigger ‘source’ of life at play, in me, through me and around me.
Being made redundant was completely out of my control, so you might even ask, how does that prove the universe has your back? Here’s my answer. It doesn’t. What it proves is that I trusted in something I could not control.
I still cannot control the universe, but I can control what I believe, what I value, and what I focus on. The universe is nothing if not consistent. It does not depend on the economy. It does not depend on what’s happening on the share market. It does not depend on how many clients I have, or how much success I have.
The universe has my back, because I am one with the universe. Energy, source, higher self, god, whatever you want to call it, is always there, always accessible, and always working for my greater good.
No one is useless or disposable. You are not a throwaway shaver. I’m learning to wake up every day and value myself, my worth (not measured by my gross GDP) or market value. The truth that I am living by is, I have a place in this world and a role to play.
Rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. Reinvent and regenerate. Every relationship you have, including the one you have with yourself, relies solely on the man that you are, from the inside out. Redundancy is just a word. You’re not useless. You just think you are.
—
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
◊♦◊
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
***
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
***
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time (Friday calls only). This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
Need more information? Click here.
♦◊♦
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
What We Talk About When We Talk About Men
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock