The time is nearing. Our three sons are moving on with their lives, in a few years, there will only be the two of us in this big house. I wonder what it will feel like?
What will we talk about? What will we do?
It is likely we will stare at each other and consider our appearance. Then we’ll remember how we looked years ago.
We will remember those who have passed. Family, friends and favorite pets.
We’ll talk about how we raised our kids. Focusing on what we fucked up and forgetting what we did right.
We will remember our dreams, and consider which ones came true and which ones are still out there. Then we will discuss a plan to run one or two of them down as a curtain call.
I sense we will spend a lot of time discussing travel. What place we want to visit next.
We won’t consider the future as time will seem short. That is what we should be doing, though. Always have a future full of dreams.
We will discuss the 2016 election and how it was more fucked up than how we raised our kids.
We will laugh at the commercials about reverse mortgages up until the point where we realize we need one.
For me, I will resist any medication that causes something to happen for more than four hours as a side effect. I will die a lonely man. Ahhhhh!
I sense we will watch each other and think about who is failing more. You know, having difficulty remembering things like turning off the stove.
Tag team driving will become how we get around. One watches the road while the other steers and works the gas and brakes.
We will be makeshift babysitters for our grandchildren.
The two of us stand a chance to become more educated current events and the weather. We will watch the news all day.
We love our sons but are likely to criticize every decision they make about their lives.
We won’t get to say goodbye—most people don’t get the chance to do that as the end often isn’t predictable.
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And somewhere along the way, we will consider the past and the choices we made. We will argue about some of them and agree on some as well. It is likely I will feel sad we never bought that second home in Vermont. We will reason the timing just wasn’t right. The fact that we have a second home down south won’t be enough to offset the disappointment.
I expect many conversations about the trips we took with the kids, particularly Alaska. How much fun we had and how beautiful it is there.
We will be alone a lot I sense. We’ll have ample time to talk behind the backs of people we knew along the way. Our verbal filters failing, we will say things that piss off those we are the closest to us.
And we will often sit in quiet solitude and let the voices of the past fill our heads with laughter, crying, grief and despair. Five lives brought together through the magic of life, coincidence, and sacrifice. In the end, we will have lived full lives and recapped the whole event from childhood to adulthood in its entirety. I pray we will conclude that it was all worth it and fulfilling. I believe I will have no regrets and hope she agrees.
We won’t get to say goodbye—most people don’t get the chance to do that as the end often isn’t predictable. But, we will look forward to picking up the conversation in the next place.
My best, Chris
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This post is republished on Medium.
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