Taylor,
I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you this, but there is no right time and, honestly, I’m not sure there’s a right way.
You’re mean.
The things you think about me make me question why I get out of bed in the morning. Why even try if that’s what you really think.
I can’t do anything about this physical form. We were born this way.
We’re not getting any taller.
Your skin is doing this changing thing and honestly, I think it’s your fault that it’s happening but we also can’t do anything about that now.
Do you want to be the kind of person who thinks their worth is in their physical form?
I know you don’t.
The things that you say to me don’t reflect the type of person you want to be.
But, since you’re so keen on telling me about how inadequate our physical features are I’m just going to say it: these boobs are the boobs you have.
They are not as high as they once were and, you know what, they’re going to get lower. You’re no spring chicken and these babies are not new.
But, they’re yours which makes them great. Be grateful for where they are instead of hating them so much.
You know what’s really bizarre? You’ve spent 30/34 years wishing you looked different. As long as you’ve been aware of appearance actually.
Don’t you find that kind of… exhausting? I do. I’m fucking tired.
You keep blaming Stephen and Driss and Rob and Keith and your mom and your aunts and anyone else who ever did anything abusive to you — but you started it.
Be the one to end it.
I’m begging you. There is so much more that we could do. But, the thoughts that consume your brain are taking up all the air in the room.
We don’t have space to do more. We don’t have energy to do more. And, those nasty thoughts are making it impossible to even try.
So, even if we could squeeze a good idea or two into your brain, the likelihood that you would have the confidence to act on it is not existent.
Were you curious about why you’re so afraid to speak French?
Why you’re dreading going to work every single day?
Why completing an article that you’re supposed to be writing for fun is impossible?
Why the podcast episodes you’ve recorded are sitting un-edited and un-published?
You have no confidence. None. I’m ready to change this, aren’t you?
I know this isn’t easy to read. It wasn’t easy to say, but it’s necessary. You deserve so much more. Please be kinder to me.
Please say the things to me that you would want someone to say to you.
Please take me to do things that you would want someone to take you to do.
Please trust me. Please listen to me. Please accept me as I am.
I love you.
Taylor
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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