I never played Major League Baseball. Well, to be more accurate, I never made it to the Major Leagues during my ten-year professional minor league playing career. It is oddly comforting that it no longer pains me to say that the way it used to. See, I was bred to play baseball. I am 6’4″, long and ‘lanky’ with flexibility and an innate ability to throw a baseball at high velocities, up to 100 mph and beyond. The pedigree and accolades of my earlier days destined me for a long successful career in the Major Leagues alongside many of my friends that did eventually reach the pinnacle. Everyone knew it too. As you can imagine, with this type of projection and coverage, I started to become less a human and more a baseball player. I had gone from the kid who grew up here, went there, did this and liked that, who also played baseball, to being ‘that baseball player’. The tag came around high school and stuck for the length of my career. Anyone and everyone I met during that period knew me as the dude with the Orioles, Phillies, or Rockies, and they loved it. As did my family, friends and everyone else who started to know me as a ranking in a prospect book or a projection in a future Major League pitching staff.
Before I ever had the chance to realize my ‘destiny’ or ‘live the dream’ it was over. Just like that. No particular warnings or vivid writings on the wall. My career had ended and no one even seemed to particularly care. That was the difficult part I suppose. There was just complete indifference in my fans and supporters. The people who were around me just, sort of, weren’t anymore. They weren’t particularly negative or hateful, but they also weren’t congratulatory about what I did accomplish during that time. They were just gone.
I learned rapidly that no one outside of family and close friends particularly cared about ME. They cared about WHO I WAS. There’s a difference between those two and the contrasts are rather stark. ‘WHO I WAS’ made my acquaintances celebrities too, it did something for them. Whether it be bragging to their uncle at Thanksgiving about their baseball player friend, or having a connection whenever the Orioles were in town for tickets, I was of value to them. Albeit for the wrong reasons sometimes. But value is value and who am I to judge my worth to anyone.
Talk About Feeling Lost
There I was. 27 years old and completely lost in the world (I can only imagine swapping baseball for war, and taking this on as a soldier returning to civilian life). What everyone knew me as, and what I had begun to know myself as was no more. My identity was gone. I would say that this one particular juxtaposition is responsible for a majority of life and financial troubles after athletic careers. Your pedestal has been kicked out from under you and there isn’t even anyone there to laugh as you fall. But, you still think people care and will reach out, so you don’t particularly set out to start on a new path. You wait. At least I did. I sat there and waited for the phone to ring and for someone to say, “Hey, Brandon. I heard you were finished playing and I wanted to reach out and offer this great opportunity now!” Needless to say, the call never came. The only calls I got were from friends still playing, talking about their success. Perfect.
As athletes, soldiers, or anything that has a physical half-life, our careers inevitably end. The problem is that 99% of the time they do not end on our own terms. We are taught to push, to work and to stay on the path, to not give up. So, we don’t, sometimes to a fault. We wait to get forced out and forgotten. But how can we be blamed? I was relatively young when I reached my end, but I had still spent 95% of my life focused on my love and dream for baseball, Major League Baseball to be exact. Not only did I not ‘make it’ but it was also over and I had 60+ years of life left. What the hell do I do now?
Here’s What To Do: Be Thankful
You see, opportunity is everywhere and abundance is accessible to anyone. I think all people, but especially men, struggle to realize their ‘destiny’. Also, I believe that most men would say they KNOW they are destined for more than whatever position they are currently in, no matter the position. I think this is a good belief, just simply misplaced. The problem is that the sole focus is on the result of our goals. The title or pot of accomplishment gold that lies at the end of the rainbow is all we want. If we don’t achieve it, then we failed. We never see the rainbow. During my career, I never ever saw the rainbow even though life is always just about the rainbow, the process. I never once realized the good times and the joy of the process when I was actually in it. That is until I started to understand that the end results are dependent on too many variables beyond my control. What I could control, however, was my effort toward falling in love with the process. That’s all everything in life is a process. Learn to love it or you won’t even appreciate the greatest of results.
Gratitude Over Everything
I made the conscious effort that every time I thought about baseball, saw it on television or spoke to someone about it, I only said positive things. I didn’t lay blame on anyone for my shortcomings, I even claimed that the shortcomings weren’t such, they were just an opportunity to start a new process. This was a crucial step for me. With the help of my wife, I was actually able to realize everything great that happened during that time. I listed EVERYTHING great baseball allowed for me. I met a wonderful wife, met friends that would all be my groomsman, had two beautiful children and ultimately got to play the game I love for years longer than most get the chance to. For the first time in a long time, I was so proud of myself and willing to take all the responsibility for every aspect of my life. I accepted the good and bad, became accountable and took a step forward. Emphasis on forward.
Talk About A 180
I mentioned how opportunity is abundant everywhere and I briefly mentioned how those same opportunities do not happen by waiting for calls. Create them. For me, that meant enrolling in college for the first time, but not just any major. I needed something challenging. I needed something to require the same effort and competition that my mind had previously dedicated. Enter Engineering. As a disclaimer, I am not naturally gifted at math and science in the same way I had been gifted to throw a baseball. The decision to enroll in University of Maryland’s Engineering School was the best decision I could have made because it was just that; a decision to move forward down a foreign, uncomfortable path. An uncomfortable path that led me to be an Aerospace Engineering intern at the biggest aerospace company in the world.
Purposely Being Uncomfortable
To overcome this situation, I was forced to make decisions that were uncomfortable. Pretty much every single decision was uncomfortable. I started college at 27 with 0 credits to my name. I was married with a daughter and moved back into my in-laws’ basement because we didn’t know where life was taking us. Then, I had to start in non-credited classes my first semester to make up for the eleven-year break I had. I took the SAT again at the local high school with 15 and 16-year-old high school juniors and sophomores. Not a single moment went by where I wasn’t uncomfortable and sure that I was on the wrong path. Three years had gone by since my last professional outing as a pitcher and I was sitting in Physics 1 for the second time with my second child on the way and still in the in-laws’ basement. Here’s the best part….
Everyone I have come into contact with and shared my experiences with, albeit by choice, or at a college career fair has said the same thing; “It’s amazing that you chose to go back to school, I couldn’t imagine doing that.” AKA no one wants to be uncomfortable! No one wants to struggle and to choose uneasiness. But that is exactly what it takes to get over and through anything. It is the only way you will grow and ever find out just what you’re capable of. The sad part is very few people will ever know the feeling of pure triumph over seemingly insurmountable odds. The things that are truly life-changing, are slow, arduous processes with no shortcuts and no backdoors.
No one I have met since my playing career ending has ever cared that I played baseball professionally. Not one. And honestly, as I have continued to learn about this concept, neither do I. What myself and others find impressive about people is their resilience. Their ability to seemingly push through things we believe ourselves to be unable to push through. People love underdogs because we all deeply wish we had the ability to approach life like the underdog does. With pure ignorance toward expectations and boundaries. We all love to hear about success stories because there is something all too familiar in failing.
The Takeaway
I wish people believed in themselves more and I wish people didn’t confine themselves to walls that are constructed by people no better than them. I wish humanity didn’t place a premium on comfort and paths of least resistance. I wish everyone would fail at something they truly loved and have to start over. Because only then will they see that the man they thought they were was nothing compared to the man they now know they are. Who you are is not based on one path you’ve taken. What you’re capable of is not dependent on anything besides taking the first step.
Lastly, if you’re in a similar spot and feeling lost or unable, do what I did. Choose the hardest and most impractical thing to do and watch as everyone tries to say you’re crazy as they silently admire you. Go into it not even thinking you’re capable yourself, and do it. Do that again, and again, and again, and again. Never stop.
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Originally published on masteringmanliness
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