Had a call today with a good friend of mine—he’s been worried about his drinking.
I asked if it’s become a problem, is his wife is having problems with it, is it causing problems in his marriage or affecting how he parents his young kids?
The answer was no.
He said he blows off steam every now and then, when the pressure of being HIM gets too much.
The pressure of being HIM.
The booze was just a symptom of something bigger eating at him.
He lives what many would consider an ideal life—beautiful wife, two happy and healthy children and a dog living in a big house in one of the finest and most expensive towns in his area.
It’s like they stepped out of an L.L. Bean catalogue.
He works for a great company, makes a lot of money and has met with a lot of corporate success.
He’s on the other side of 40—and I think that’s where the challenge lies. I am 47 and know I am in the second half of my life. It’s a place I never thought I’d be in when I was in my 20’s. It came quickly.
He has been faced with the question of “Is this all there is?”
That’s not to belittle what he has, but rather to recognize that at a certain point men start to wonder what their legacy will be—what they will be known for—will it be for the guy who sat atop the sales leader board, built a company, ran the fastest race, had the Bugatti, won a World Championship or was the top member at Bushwood Golf Club. Hopefully though, it’s something much more meaningful than that.
Here in North Carolina, the state motto is “To Be, Rather Than to Seem.”
How many men live lives trying to SEEM rather than to BE?
We have to have it all together—the wife the kids the car the house the job—we need to have the appearance of wealth, health, and success.
We are the main actor in a twisted version of our life where we feel like we need to be strong, successful, rich, and void of emotion in order to weather life’s storms and lead the family to prosperity and happiness.
How do we move from SEEM to BE?
How do we capture authenticity and let go of what the world says we SHOULD do or what the world EXPECTS from us?
We cannot expect to help anyone else unless we first help ourselves—it’s the old flight attendant thing—put the oxygen mask on yourself first so then you are capable of helping others.
We need to put the oxygen mask on—breathe life into ourselves—then we can be in a position to help others and be of maximum service to our families and the world.
It starts with focusing on our health, our peace, our creativity and our connection to God/Higher Power in order to move to a place of authenticity—a place where you can BE.
1. HEALTH—Make better food choices, exercise every day. If you are a couch potato—get up and start moving—start slow. Improve a little bit each day. It didn’t take you overnight to get unhealthy—so don’t expect rock hard abs in 2 weeks only working out 7 minutes a day. Time takes time.
2. PEACE—Our emotional health. What do you do for peace? Pray, meditate, get out in nature, read, quiet time. Helping someone else brings an inner peace as the result of serving others and gratitude is a direct result of helping others in need.
3. CREATIVITY—Do you write? Start a journal or a blog. Music? Play guitar, write a song. Paint? Sculpt? Do what makes you feel good, get out of yourself and create, and when you have tapped into that creative vein, it makes you more productive at work, at home, as a husband, father and son.
4. CONNECTION TO GOD/HIGHER POWER—Wake up and thank God every day. Pray, meditate, make a gratitude list. The closer you connect to your Higher Power, when you reach those ‘thin places’ where you can feel the presence of God, will have a carryover effect into your day and your life.
Small improvements each day lead up to BIG results. It takes time, but as soon as you start you can see powerful results.
Do these every day. Until you die—because that’s how the story ends. You had no control of the beginning, but the middle—the meat of the story—is up to you.
“Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.”
What are some other ways you can move from SEEM to BE?
Originally posted on Dave Rynne
Photo: Getty Images