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I was 30 years old and living in California when my barber, Lynn, surprised me one day by refusing to cut my hair.
“You’re losing your hair and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re combing your hair forward with bangs and it looks absolutely ridiculous,” he said. “Either you let me cut it the way I want so it looks good, or you’re going to have to go somewhere else.”
I couldn’t believe it. But deep down I knew he was right. I let him cut it shorter, with no bangs. When I got back to my apartment, my wife, Laura, said she agreed with Lynn.
“Just go with it,” she said. “It looks good.”
For the past 30 years, I’ve gradually lost my hair. I still have hair on the sides and plenty on my face with my beard and mustache. However, up on top, it’s a different story. I have a classic case of male pattern baldness and I’ve grown accustomed to wearing baseball-type hats—particularly in the summer.
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Once you get to middle age, I’m convinced that what’s on a guy’s head is one of the last things most women are concerned about when choosing who to date or a mate.
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I’m not a movie actor, salesman or TV personality that depends on a youthful, bushy head of hair to keep my job. I’ve been a newspaper man for all these years and having no hair on top hasn’t been a detriment.
From the beginning, Laura has been adamant that I should avoid a “comb-over”. Some guys go to great effort to grow out their hair on one side, and then artfully sculpt it over the top of their head to cover the bald spot. Think Donald Trump. Think a mess when the wind gets a hold of it.
“I think comb-overs look terrible on guys. Don’t do it,” she said.
So I haven’t. I’ve just gone with my baldness, never thinking to try Rogaine, or a hair piece. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) I’ve accepted my natural look. I am who I am.
Other guys haven’t been so secure with their baldness or hair loss. I had a friend in college who was losing his hair and was wavering about getting married.
“What do you think, Figgy? Should I follow through with it? If not and I go bald, no woman will have me,” he said in all seriousness.
What a bunch of crap and I took him so. Do you love her? Marry her, I said.
I look around these days and there are all sorts of hot-looking women hanging around with, or married to bald or balding guys. Once you get to middle age, I’m convinced that what’s on a guy’s head is one of the last things most women are concerned about when choosing who to date or a mate. I bet many women are far more concerned with what’s in a guy’s head, not what’s on it.
Guys are better off putting their time and efforts into being kind, caring and fun individuals and being mindful of such things as their weight and physical condition, along with their personal grooming and clothes they wear. Having a good job and being financially secure is also important.
For those women who put a full head of hair at the top of their priority list, my advice to guys is to not waste their time on anyone who’s so shallow. There’s plenty of other females out there who have their priorities straight.
I was talking recently to a young female hair stylist who was cutting my hair. I asked her about comb-overs and she just laughed.
“I have one customer who comes in with his hair plastered on his head,” she said. “He uses crazy amounts of hair spray to keep it that way and I cut it by lifting bunches up, snipping the ends and placing them back on the top of his head the way they were.”
She added, “Anyone who looks at this guy knows he has a comb-over. He’s not fooling anyone. And the sad thing is it looks terrible.”
Middle age, in my opinion, is a time when you stop playing games, stop trying to be something or somebody you’re not. That can start with accepting your hair—or lack of.
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
Yeah, sure, I often hear that it’s what inside matters the most, but when you are younger than 35 does it? Let’s be honest – I’m quite good looking now, it helps a lot in my life actually, but if I’ll go bald it will make me at least in a low tier average looking ( but i think i’ll drop to GODDAMITSTARESATME ugly), and no extra confidence and kindness will help be, goddamn I love video games, but now I can’ts play as young characters, because I can’t relate to them, that’s why i lost one of my last… Read more »
I guess I’d like to add one more thought. I feel it makes a difference when you’re discussing this issue as a middle aged guy as opposed to being 20 or 30….doesn’t it?
People effected by male pattern baldness are sick and tired of people telling them to just accept it. Telling people to do so just trivialises a serious and soul destroying condition (which has nothing to do with vanity, by the way). Rather than pressure being put on us to “accept it”, we want pressure put on the medical and scientific communities to create more effective treatments or a cure. Nowhere near enough is being done to solve a condition that, for many people, if life changing in a very negative way. It’s effect on men is grossly underestimated. But society… Read more »
Wow I’m a bit surprised by the harsh assessment of this article. Were you guys reading the same thing I was? Was a good piece with the underlying purpose of trying to aid balding folk feel better themselves
This was a terrible piece because it was so arrogant. No one cares about your hair loss journey David. I’m really glad that you just accepted the fact that you were losing your hair as if it was no big deal at all. I wonder if you really digested the implications of hairloss or you were just as naive and thoughtless as this opinion piece. Please, do all balding men a favor, keep your opinions to yourself if you can’t put more thought into it.
Looking the column over again, I guess I can understand how some might find it arrogant. Didn’t mean it to be. Hair loss, I know is no minor thing. When it first started happening to me is was traumatic. I can understand why some guys go the Rogaine, hair piece route. I didn’t. However, the comb-over thing at times during mid-life and beyond gets ridiculous as many hair dressers will tell you. I’ve talked to a quite a few about this and they agree. My goal was not shame men, but to bolster them — particularly those who are lacking… Read more »
I think you have a second chance here to write a new piece. I used products for a while but when I saw that it was a battle I was destined to lose I stopped and buzzed my head really short. I do it every day now even though I still have a good chunk of it left. Im parting ways with it (no pun intended) because I don’t want to struggle to keep something that I will end up losing. It is still a struggle, every day. I love my hair. I don’t want to lose it. It’s depressing… Read more »
Does anybody ever write posts directed towards women that tell them they should avoid plastic surgery, botox or whatever they want/need to do to feel good about themselves? Does anybody ever SHAME women in this way? This is a man-shaming article. What one man does about his hair loss (or his gut, or whatever) is his business, and his business alone. The last thing we need is ANYBODY trying to tell someone else what to do with this part of their life. Why am I pointing this out? Because there is such a great, unconscious bias towards men in our… Read more »
Wow. Interesting reply and perspective. I don’t write about what women are doing — just the guys. The bottom line of my piece for men is to simply accept and have confidence about who you are and how you look. It’s hardly a man-shaming article. If you want to have bangs that stay in place with hair spray, or to don a Trump-like hair style, well…. go for it.