An insecure person can come in any package: rich or poor, short or tall, attractive or unattractive; male, female, or otherwise. They are people that seek an unhealthy level of validation and attention from the outside world. Most insecure people do not even know that they are exhibiting insecure behaviors — and those that do know are often much too ashamed to admit it.
It is important to understand that not all insecure folks exhibit the same signs of insecurity. In fact, some, particularly those that recognize their insecurities, have learned how to hide those feelings, masking them behind other behaviors or attempting to distract others (and themselves) from noticing those parts of their lives they’re most insecure about.
People of all walks of life can struggle with insecurity, for a variety of reasons. No matter their gender, there are social pressures that can sometimes reach unreasonable levels, to say nothing of an individual’s experiences growing up. Repeated harassment, overbearing punishment, and a lifetime of never quite measuring up to the expectations bombarding them can plague someone with deep and lasting insecurities. It takes a lot of self-awareness, and a willingness to risk the pain of rejection, to truly overcome the fear of those things we feel insecure about in our lives; and yet, to someone struggling with insecurity issues, the very idea of admitting these vulnerabilities is a painful one. And so, many choose to simply continue along, trying to hide their true feelings, rather than deal with them. Ironically, hiding insecurities only prolongs the issue, and, as we will see, things can eventually get much worse.
And now, without further ado, here are:
5 Signs of An Insecure Human
Sign 1: They’re Dishonest
Someone that is hiding insecurities is usually a dishonest person. This could be in the way of outright lying, such as inflating who they are or what they do for a living. Or, it may come in the way of cheating on their romantic partners, or cheating people in business. In either case, they don’t have the courage to be upfront and honest with anyone they deal with. It could be that they fear being rejected, or simply that they lack empathy for other people because of the way they feel about himself. If this sort of reminds you of the Seinfeld character George Costanza, you’d be right on the money: that character is a classic archetype of an insecure man.
Sign 2: He’s Extremely Introverted
Often, insecure people have very little in the way of friendships and sincere personal connections. Since they do not feel confident about who they are and they are very negative in their thinking when it comes to themselves and others, they tend to be isolated. If, by some chance, they do have friends or a small social network, they may push people away because of an inability to communicate — they don’t believe that anything they have to say is compelling, or they simply struggle to connect in conversation at all. This can come off as seeming too shy or completely standoffish. In either case, an insecure man often comes off as socially awkward.
Sign 3: They Avoid Eye Contact
While this is sometimes just a sign that someone doesn’t enjoy making prolonged eye contact, an insecure person may have an especially difficult time maintaining eye contact with anyone. The idea of looking someone in the eyes makes them feel extremely uncomfortable, to the point of causing them to sweat, have an extreme thirst or become fidgety. In a relationship, someone who is insecure will avoid confrontation, particularly in an argument or heated discussion. They may also avoid looking at their partner over dinner or during lovemaking. It could be that a person that is insecure does not feel comfortable looking people in the eyes for fear that their insecurity may be detected. Nevertheless, very often an insecure person will avoid eye contact at all cost.
Sign 4: They Are Inexplicably Needy
When someone feels insecure, they have a greater need to be validated and accepted. Therefore, they will suck the energy out of anyone that he is around. In a relationship, this may look like jealousy or even abuse. They may appear to be attentive, but the moment they are not getting the attention they feel they need, they will lash out. They may divulge too much personal information about themselves, and expect you to do the same. Since they are likely also a dishonest person, they are not trusting of what other people say, and therefore may come off as accusatory if they feel they’re at risk of losing sympathy or attention. This is due in part to how insecure people deflect their insecurities onto others so as not to appear insecure themselves.
Sign 5: They’re Bullies
Most bullies are insecure. They may come off as scary, loud, domineering and obnoxious — but in most cases, they are nothing more than insecure (and not dealing with it very well). Even the toughest, loudest school bully from your childhood was probably reacting to insecurities caused by circumstances outside of their control.
There is a point, however, where the effects of this insecurity move beyond the scope of allowable behavior. The most extreme examples of this kind of behavior can result in the gravest tragedy, from mass shootings carried out by men whose insecurities have been exploited beyond the breaking point, to people that physically abuse their spouses or commit rape. It is the insecurities these people harbor within that leads them to assault, harass or subject other people to pain and ridicule.
Insecure people that behave like bullies are the easiest to spot of all the insecure people in the world. However, most people don’t usually see bullies as insecure because of the tough persona that they give off.
To conclude:
These 5 signs of insecurity are not the only ones. While some insecure people exhibit all of these signs, some may only flash their insecurities in moments of weakness. Having some level of insecurities is perfectly normal —problems arise, however, when these insecurities spill over and become destructive.
If after reading the 5 signs of an insecure man, you or someone you know is ready to deal with your insecurities, there is help. Being insecure does not have to be the end of the story. There are useful tools and techniques that can help build confidence, self-esteem, and self-awareness, and help lead you toward creating the healthy and balanced life you deserve.
A version of this story was previously published on Finding Happily and republished to Medium.
Photo by Max Harlynking on Unsplash