“Hey dad” “Why am I always so lucky?”
I always had a good feeling about things, even at five years old so I asked my father. Back in 1955, I was the only child of two parents rife with their own problems, and soon to divorce the next year. My life would be a series of ups and downs like all of us, taking me to the darkest places on the planet emotionally, surrounded by constant negativity at home. But that came much, much later.
“Lucky? Oh, that’s an easy one, said dad. “You know, it’s hard to explain, but our family — the May family — has always been lucky. We call it “the May luck.”
“Really? “I said as I took in every word with complete belief, like a puppy dog anticipating a treat. “You know, we’ve always considered ourselves to be the luckiest people in the world. That’s what my father told me and, so far, it’s been true. it’s going to be just the same for you.”
My dad was an ‘older dad,’ quite unusual in those days. He was extremely enthusiastic, tempered with a good dose of logic. My mother was a bundle of emotions, but always believed in the potential of other people, especially her only child: me.
When I had my own children-a boy and a girl-I told them what my dad told me. Now that they are adults, I don’t necessarily know if my son has told my grandchildren about the ‘May Luck,’ but they too are blessed. Here’s what I do know because I’ve lived it, and, at 70 I believe it even more.
Every day I thank God for what He has given me. As I reflect on my life so far, I feel so blessed that it’s indescribable. It has nothing to do with wealth or career. It has everything to do with attitude. It is the one thing over which each of us has total control. Therein lies the ‘luck.’
It’s as though I have been inoculated against negativity. Now, it’s easier for some of us to say this than others. I get that. But we each have our own past and future with plenty of challenges along the way. Those ‘challenges’ can be some of the darkest places on the planet, or in one’s mind. I have enough of those too. I’m just as much a member of the ‘walking wounded’ as anyone else. But in the end its each of us and how we decide we’re going to paint that picture of our lives. Each of us is the artist. But, sometimes, we aren’t aware of it; and that can be a life-long challenge if we aren’t aware of it.
Relationships
Of course, many times, it’s the relationships that really can create much of the difficulty, especially if it’s the wrong one. We just can’t get away from the fact that we live among other people, and these people have their own ideas about life, many times conflicting with ours.
Here’s what I’ve learned about ‘luck,’ attitude and living with others. A sunny attitude will not protect you from negative, toxic people. You can live with them, but you’ll just be ‘settling,’ allowing a shadow to block your joy. Relationships like this can become more injurious over time, even toxic if they are codependent and emotionally abusive. You may even be a co-conspirator in your own demise, especially in an injurious marriage if you begin to accept your negative environment. Of course, once you’re inside of the relationship long-term it’s difficult to gain any perspective.
Once, and if you gain some insight, there is usually only one answer: run for your emotional life! You must be brave because the longer you’ve been in the relationship, the harder it will be to leave. You may have years of inertia going against you, as well as your own innocent complicity in your demise.
First, you need to detach your emotions from your corrosive environment. Once you’ve completed this extremely hard work, you may begin to see the sunlight and a path of freedom with as little regret as possible. You will probably always carry some regret, or you wouldn’t be human. You can empathize with your toxic partner. You can even be there for him or her ‘logistically, but you no longer must sacrifice your sunny nature-your ‘luck’-to the quicksand of negative people.
Once physically and mentally detached, you have entered a protective bubble. The one you inherited when you were born. You can now walk into the sunlight of the spirit with people who are good for your soul- people who see the best in you; even those good things you may have lost sight of over so many years of toxicity.
Attitude: The Wellspring of ‘Luck’
In the end my dad’s family ‘luck’ was simply years of practicing and knowing intrinsically that the one thing over which we have complete control is our attitude. If you think that attitude and faith — “luck” — are just soft BS from Pollyanna-ish, sunny dopes, I tell you from 65 years of specific, measured results, that it works.
Give it a try. You have nothing to lose but the remnants of negativity, and you have the world to gain at any age. Just for you.
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This post has been republished to Medium.
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Photo: Shutterstock