Spread Your Wings to Save Your Relationships From Suffocation

Homeostasis is the scientific term for the tendency to attain a balanced internal or external ambiance. As the definition goes, we all live and strive to remain in balance. In nature, we apply this concept in different ways every moment.

Well, no, this is not a science lesson I am sharing.

Although, the point is most often we fail to apply this fact when we are in a relationship, whether mother, sibling, best friend, or a life partner. We tend to expect everything from that person, embracing their entire life, decisions, and lifestyle, leaving no space for them to breathe. Eventually, the moment comes, when neither of us can breathe, and the relationship dies due to a lack of oxygen.

I have been there as well as been that person who believed that her best friend or boyfriend is her entire life.

When I say “entire life,” meaning he/she is everything from a friend, to an advisor, savior, provider, oxygen ventilator, and so on. However, I learned the hard way, and today I have established some of the best relationships in my life.

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Being perfect for someone is a relative term.

You may be accurate for one person and not at the same time for someone else. Hence, it is better to claim that no one is perfect in this world.

The myth of perfection, portrayed in movies and books, often blinds us with the obsession of expecting more than the real relationships can hold.

Regardless of how much compatible we might be with a person, there will always be certain voids that may not be filled by them. In such scenarios, especially if the moment is critical, we tend to detach from that bond slowly. We get disappointed and get sad. We try to unbutton every corner to try to fix that person according to our expectations.

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How should we approach life and relationships when we end up in such a scenario?

You are immensely lucky when your husband/wife, your best friend, and your siblings are like angels. Who are always, and always there for you and with you in your journey.

However, there are minimal editions of those people who will be a complete match for you. Meanwhile, it does not mean we do not befriend the ones who might share at least 90% of our characteristics and intellect.

The one lesson I learned over time is to increase your circle.

We can surround ourselves with people who fulfill that void, that may remain unattended by our very close loved ones. Well, again, this is a relative scenario. We meet that person only for individual fulfillment.

When we spread our wings, we tend to minimize the stress that might have been building up in our relationship.

For instance, I like trivia nights and board games. However, most of my very close friends, with whom I share some deep conversations, my private life, and compatibility, do not enjoy such games. So, I make friends who like them and hang out with them when I want to play. I may not share my private life with them. However, they are still my good friends, whose company refreshes me time-to-time.

A similar example will be when the person with whom you share a very intimate relationship, may not know how to engage with you on a particular problem you are facing. Most often, people do not understand your circumstances unless they face the same. Hence, if you have that best friend, or sibling, with whom you can comfortably share your problem, then go ahead and do that.

We may not be seeking solutions all the time; we just need those ears ready to listen to us.

By doing so, we avoid making our close ones whom we share a loving relationship, feel guilty and bad for not engaging with us. At the same, we make space for a healthy relationship to grow.

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Several times, the concept of increasing the circle, ultimately helps to improve our relationships.

In a loving relationship, it is natural to expect that the person we love is our world. When we see that person stretching away, we often make an effort to improve ourselves so that we can embrace his/her life completely.

Meanwhile, the strategy may not be healthy when we have severe problems with emptiness in our intimate relationships. If the connection is off balance, and the void is immense, then it is time to leave and move-on.

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Previously published on “Change Becomes You”, a Medium publication.

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