We are 32. We’re too young to retire but too old to complain. I don’t even think we want to retire. We merely want to do work we love, but walk around trying to nurture passion at this age and watch what happens to your social life. We’ve been to a handful of funerals, and some of them to mourn people we went to school with thus making us analyze our lives and their timelines long after they’re gone. We’ve been told we should have started saving money ten years ago, but it’s taken us ten professional years to even begin seeing value in ourselves. FYI – we’ve only just scratched the surface on that one. Turning 30 was a scary experience, but we found out we were pretty much still 29. Turning 31 was cute, like when a two year old puppy shits on your brand new carpet in your new apartment after it’s been potty trained but does this roll over thing that makes you smile temporarily long enough to forget. And 32 pretty much feels like 40.
We get high off nostalgia and need vacations from vacations. We no longer speak to that childhood friend, but every now and again when we crave to be understood deep down in our core, we spend weeks trying to rationalize and legitimatize reaching out for real this time. We’ve realized we’re living in ways that don’t align with who we really are, but we’re confused about how we’re supposed to give up what we spent this long building. We hear people tell us to “just quit,” but our youthful naivety found out the hard way that motivational quotes and likes don’t show up at our front door to pay our rent, our memberships, our metro card, or our talent slash passion slash when will someone give a fuck thing-a-magingy that we’ve been trying to make into a life.
We’re 32. The athletes, musical heroes, and idols we hung up on our walls have grey in their beards and age in their eyes. FYI – that makes us go, “WHAT. THE. F.” Our parents have had their fair share of health scares, and we’re now learning how to navigate sibling or only child responsibility. We are preparing for the future we never thought would truly come. We’re told things like, “That’s what happens when you get older,” and that makes us crazy because it seems as if the world only gave us ten adult years to live. We have been to too many weddings but our own. We love love, we fear love, we hate that we fear love. We found love. This time we are sure they’re it, but we have so much unlearning and taming of our own cynicism and self-sabotage to do.
We can finally afford going out to eat when we want to, and when we do, we end up wishing we had just bought Chinese take out and sat on a stoop people watching. We trade in party invites for pajamas, frozen yogurt, and the ability to wake up feeling good enough to go to the gym. Although the fattest thing about us is still the list of unattained traits we compare ourselves to. We don’t even want abs. We realize that was just a flashy way to say we want to feel fulfilled, alive, and energetic, and now we don’t know what’s worse – chasing what we thought we wanted or the loneliness when you finally stray from convention and indoctrinated thought.
We are 32. We realized we were already three, five, and seven when our parents were our age, and we can’t even get a dog or care for a plant without drowning it the first few times. We’ve finally grew into some confidence, and now we’re more than confident that no one really even knew what they were talking about. We struggled with identity every time what we thought was true shatters, yet we love the idea of breaking free from definitions.
We hated the mirror for how we looked, now we hate the mirror for what we’re forced to face. We wonder if we should have an MBA, a PhD, or a JD. We created a story around why we never went for something that made us feel alive, and we find comfort in being told it’s too late. We finally realized every fear and stressful moment is controlled by the mind, but we still struggle understanding how. We’ve become really good at our jobs and really bad at being still. We think we’re getting older, but we’re projected to have over 50 years left. We still idolize security, but now it’s worse because we know it doesn’t truly exist.
We’re 32. We’ve been told hustle beats talents when talent doesn’t hustle, but sometimes we just want to sleep in two days in a row because it feels so good to rest and do nothing. We notice how small we feel when the biggest thing is a trophy, especially at the expense of an authentic connection. We now know so much information but still haven’t figured out how to bridge the gap and start doing. We know a lot of incompetent people get promoted. People have been telling us we’re mature for so long, we get mad for getting mad at things that make us mad.
We’re 32. We have all of this self-awareness now, and it’s so much nosier than it seems. We’re simultaneously shedding an identity and identifying what’s next. We know Tina Fey, Vera Wang, JK Rowling, and Morgan Freeman made it late in life, but we still know about the millions who never have and where did they go? We’re still fighting to feel worthy. We’re still trying to understand who we are, and only time will tell if we ever find out.
—
Join The Good Men Project Community.
“Here’s the thing about The Good Men Project. We are trying to create big, sweeping, societal changes—–overturn stereotypes, eliminate racism, sexism, homophobia, be a positive force for good for things like education reform and the environment. And we’re also giving individuals the tools they need to make individual change—-with their own relationships, with the way they parent, with their ability to be more conscious, more mindful, and more insightful. For some people, that could get overwhelming. But for those of us here at The Good Men Project, it is not overwhelming. It is simply something we do—–every day. We do it with teamwork, with compassion, with an understanding of systems and how they work, and with shared insights from a diversity of viewpoints.” —– Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project and CEO of Good Men Media Inc.
The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many of our new Social Interest Groups, calls about life in the 21st century, and classes (writing, platform building, leadership, social change) as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission.