‘Men can talk about their lives in meaningful ways with other men. They just need the time and space to do it.’
We need a new term for men getting together to connect in meaningful ways. Guys Nights Out (GNO) isn’t doing the trick. While fun, GNOs are inevitably linked to men getting together to drink, play poker, watch sports, and lord who knows what else. Also the “Night” in GNO implies a short-term get together. Bond with your friends—and get back soon.
Personally, I like the Mancation concept. The word has been around for a while, but it hasn’t quite made it to the mainstream. It had a breakthrough in 2006, when Vince Vaughn uttered “I’m excited. I look at it like I’m on a Mancation,” in The Breakup. Since then, the word has been used sparingly in the travel industry, mainly to promote the idea of men vacationing together.
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I’d say we are short-selling Mancations. Lets amp up the use and sophistication of the term. Sure, Mancations can be extended GNOs. But they could also be something far more significant. They can be a place where men do things they enjoy while talking with others in meaningful ways, including the strengths and challenges of being a guy.
This concept is not completely insane nor unfounded. In Australia, a similar idea has sprouted up, called “Men’s Sheds.” These physical spaces allow men to get together, work on common hobbies, and talk with others. It’s been quite successful. But we may have less sheds here in the U.S. And we sure love our vacations.
I say whatever works. Certainly, the need for men to seek out places to connect is easy to justify. Men continue to lead the way in a wide range of physical and mental health concerns. We also know men don’t often seek help via traditional help-seeking methods. Finally, the importance of adequate social support and forming connections with male friends has been found to be an important factor for men struggling with various issues.
Of course, selling the idea of a Mancation is not without its challenges. Seeking help and talking seriously with other guys is still unfamiliar territory for many. For others, the concept of men getting together to connect is (unfairly) equated with drum-beating gatherings in the woods. Mancations may need to be framed differently.
But lets give it a chance. Recognize the legitimate need for men to connect with each other. And lets not equate that with debauchery. Men can talk about their lives in meaningful ways with other men. They just need the time and space to do it. And maybe a different word. I’m booking my next trip right now.
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Aaron B. Rochlen, Ph.D is an associate professor of counseling psychology at the University of Texas, Austin. He is Past President of the Society for the Psychological Study of Men and Masculinity. His research interests focus on men and help-seeking, non-traditional work and family roles, and men and depression.
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—Photo Bosdos/Flickr
Nice comments everyone. My goal with this piece was basically to introduce the Mancation concept in a playful way – while stressing men’s legitimate need to connect with others guys in different ways.. Really nothing more than that..
Terry – I agree with the hard sell..
Sam – Point well said regarding introverts – I actually had that in an earlier version, do think you can have an introvert oriented mancation though!
Daddy & Roger – Right on target! Great examples…
Aaron, I’ve got a group of guys that gets together once a month (officially) and has dinner and talks about stuff. It’s become a really important group for all of us. When bad stuff happens, we all know there are 6 other guys who will be there for us – and they have some history to help them understand the bad stuff that’s happening. We have done some weekends – mostly involving golf, drinking, cigars and poker, but the real meat of what we do is those monthly meetings on the porch over something we cooked on the grill.
I’m going to enjoy my upcoming weekend Mancation in September when my guy friends and I travel to Buffalo for the Patriots vs. Bills game. A weekend of bars, steaks, tailgating and football. I love it. And I NEED it from time to time.
Some of us men are introverts. We seek time to ourselves and want vacations where we have alone time to recharge. Those can be mancations, too, I would argue. The idea of traveling with a bunch of people with the express goal of bonding sounds like a nightmare to me no matter how good friends we are.
I like the mancation idea, but it is a hard sell. Men are not going to vacation together with the idea that they are now going to talk about their inner feelings. Unlike women, we are not connected like that. We start off with the poker games, the sporting events, fishing and hunting trips. Those events are the ice breaker to other meaningful interaction. Sometimes that interaction does not always happen but at least we can al,share a laugh