I’ve had a lot of people lately say things like “ expectations eh?” “You shouldn’t have expectations” etc.
Again, here is the thing: WE ALL HAVE EXPECTATIONS! We do! Things are out of proportion with this mentality. Taking a new age thought system and using it as an excuse. Using it to give advice.
I’ve written a lot about the new age mentality because I see it getting stronger and more often than not used as a way to blame someone, keep themselves in the comfort zone of evolved, not admit their own expectations. See it more clearly. Not take a concept and run with it.
Life is paradoxical!
Every time we go to sleep we assume or have a slight expectation we will awake in the morning! Often times we expect to wake up at a certain time for work or our children. When I get into my car to drive to a destination I expect to get there. There is always a chance I will not. I made an appointment so that is an expectation I’ll be alive then, get out of bed, get in my car and make it there.
I’m using these as an example to take it down to the simplest ways we have expectations.
When I’m on a date, I do not assume or have expectations that there will be another one. That I’ve learned. That tends to change the more we date. When someone is married they do go to work every day expecting to be married when they arrive home. Do they say to themselves I could come home today and he /she might have left? I don’t have expectations…. Humm? Likely not the case unless they have an anxious attachment style. They seem to worry and project these types of events in their minds often.
The thought that we shouldn’t have expectations is inaccurate and inhumane. Again, we are working towards a world of a non-human society.
I took my oldest daughter to school (private school) and when I went to pick her up after work she was gone! I did expect to pick her up as usual. I mean after all the school had supposed strict rules in regards to who can pick up your child. They were supposed to check ID. I did have an expectation!
She was not there. They never really checked on the person that picked her up. She was taken.
We cannot live in a world where there are NO expectations ( at least currently). For me to do that would mean that I lived in total non-attachment to everything and every person. Buddha might have reached that state, most of us are not there.
In relationships, expectations are there. Many of us just do not acknowledge the tiny small things we have expectations on in regards to our lives.
Early on in dating it is a good idea to really not have attachments to people. At that time we are both looking, learning and deciding every minute if we want to continue on. It is a discovery time. That is healthy! Often times we do get attached to a second, third date, a possible marriage proposal or commitment. That really hurts when we find out that isn’t the case.
Using expectations as a way to put a wedge in a friendship, relationship or interactions with others isn’t a way of connection. Often times we actually subconsciously want to put that wedge in and don’t realize we are doing it, why we are doing it.
The mentality that we should have no expectations is a spectrum thing. It isn’t black and white. A person that knows of moderation and using terms such as this in a healthy way knows that it isn’t so simple.
Acknowledge some of these concepts are duality mindset designed to help and yet can also be destructive also.
It’s all relative! Be curious, listen, question! It’s a discovery!
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