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There comes a time in every man’s life, where the boy has the opportunity to grow into a man. This is when he steps up, shows up, and is at peace with who he is.
Sometimes, however, many men get stuck in a ‘Peter Pan’ syndrome and don’t even know it. This means they don’t grow up, show up, or live up to anywhere near their full potential. Sadly, this can go on for a man’s whole life.
Still acting like a boy, still scared, still unsure of who they are or what their purpose is, still afraid of not being enough, still mistrusting, still crying their emotional selves to sleep at night, still comparing, still struggling to know what it means to be a man.
So, what makes a man and how do you recognise him? Does a man no longer have fears or insecurities or battles? Of course he does, but he handles them differently than he would as a boy.
A man feels fear and moves ahead anyway, with courage and wisdom and emotional know how. A man knows how to love a woman, to be strong for her, and hold the space with her when she is moving through her feminine energy field.
We as humans, the male and female of the species, are energy. A man, in contrast to a boy, knows that his masculine energy makes him enough, in all situations. He is not threatened by external forces. This is true confidence.
There comes a time in every man’s life, or maybe several, until he steps through the portal, when he stands at the crossroads and has a decision to make. At that time, he must choose, to trade his boyish behaviour, responses and mindset, for that of the man within him.
A man knows his own truth and stands in it, no matter what is raging around him. He may cry, he may call for support when he needs it, he may be shit scared, but he will also own that and remain in his masculine energy field regardless. His words will match his actions.
It might be in the face of an illness, it might be in the face of your fear, it might be in the face of a relationship crisis or challenge, it might be as a Dad, it might be as a lover, it might be as a leader, a teacher. It may also only be apparent to you, the man himself, though others will ‘feel’ the difference when you walk in the room.
To become a man, in my opinion, simply means to be the truly authentic version of ‘all’ of you are. You were born with courage, with strength, with wisdom, with power, with the ability to stand up, with the ability to show up.
Three ways a man can show up:
In Relationships
Boys in relationship show up in jealousy, rage, immaturity, selfishness, pride, stubbornness, defensiveness. This is the inability to provide any sort of strength. Men in relationship show up in trust, openness, love, power, equality, playfulness, adventure, confidence. They are in recognition of who they are and what their role is.
A boy loves a woman from his ego. He is focused on her responses, whether or not she validates him, has an orgasm, or makes him feel good. A man loves a woman from his heart. Her responses and reactions do not phase him. He knows his strength and he stands strong in that.
As a Dad
Boys show up in anger, impatience, rage, lack of understanding. Men show up in kindness, gentleness, strength, firmness and patience. A man knows how to demonstrate leadership with his sons or daughters. He does this through both his words and his actions.
As a Leader
Boys show up as dictators, control freaks, unable to make decisions. Men show up as examples, with inspired actions. When you show up as a leader, others will listen to and choose to align themselves with you.
Tony Robbins says this: “Heal the boy and the man will appear”. The world needs men. Women need men. Children need men. When a man ‘shows up’, everything around him becomes better. It doesn’t necessarily become easy, but there is strength and wisdom in him, and that is enough.
Tap into that, and you will become the man you were born to be.
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