—
Picture yourself going about your business one morning: you have the day to yourself, and you’re just getting started. Maybe you’re making a list of things to do or taking care of something at home, when you accidentally bump into the kitchen table. When you bump this table, a whole glass of milk, which you just poured, rocks first one way and then the other, and then spills its contents all over the table.
Would this spilled milk cause you to behave irrationally and in unwarranted mannerisms, derailing you for the rest of your day?
I think not!
Then, why do we fret so much over proverbial spilled milk in our lives and relationships? Obsessiveness and control are traits anyone can exhibit in a relationship, and I am a culprit, too. I can speak from experience that they cause more damage than benefit, highlight insecurity, and heighten the worst of assumption. And most of the time, obsessiveness, control, and jealousy are interrelated — they stem from unrealistic expectations, and coupled together, this sort of behavior is neither healthy nor does it create long-lasting relationships.
Expectations can provide structure and guidance, which are wonderful. However, expectations need boundaries, because selfish tendencies can develop if they aren’t construed collaboratively. Selfish expectations degrade instead of uplift, impede instead of providing unlimited growth opportunities, and destroy instead of creating. Without flexibility, positive relationship growth does not occur. One is unattractive without exhibiting understanding and compassion when things do not go as planned — unattractively selfish.
For example, let’s talk about sex.
This morning my wife texted me, “looking forward to cuddling with you in bed tonight, and possibly more ;).” My former self, in similar situations, would have created a selfish expectation that I was going to be having some sort of sexual experience, and most of the time I would end up upset and disappointed.
I failed to acknowledge that a thing called life can get in the way and, the sex wouldn’t occur because of various reasons (outside the selfish reasons I was creating) because of the expectation I made in the first place. Instead, I created fret and became irritable when I should have offered understanding and been thankful to have a beautiful person in my arms.
WHAT A WASTE OF TIME AND LOSS OF VALUABLE BONDING TIME!
Strip the selfish behavior and begin embracing the blessings in your life that lay before your eyes. That person in front of you with all their beauty complements you and whatever insignificant events happen — get over it! To fret over insignificant matters can cause mental and verbal abuse, magnify the petty and inconsequential, and create exhaustion and anxiety.
Exhaustion and anxiety hinder relationships from reaching their potential to be truly ethereal. To fret over insignificance reveals insecurity. Toiling over events only to be forgotten the next day causes immediate damage with lasting effects. Therefore, stop fretting over all the insignificance (spilled milk). Embrace the positivity of your current relationship and rejoice in your blessedness.
Continual fret does not develop positivity and connection, which women (and men) need to feel safe and desired. Solid foundation and passion always need reinforcement, not jack-hammering.
Fretting jackhammers away solid foundations.
Without connection, lack of understanding rises and compassion is less. Relationships stall and denigration begins. If fretting comes more easily than embracing the positivity and blessedness you have in your life, then reevaluate the relationship to see if it’s the right one. It is no big deal in the grand scheme of things. Fretting does not allow celebration of life, people, and relationships. Fretting contributes to failure a lot of the times.
Be better than a fretter, be a better supporter. Embrace life, your partner, yourself for what each has to offer. Support those offering and learn to be a better person, lover, father, mother, etc. Why fret over spilled milk? It’s such a waste.
This story was republished to Medium.
Photo credit: iStock
Perhaps for the very same reasons women nag?
Precisely!