Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction, or sexual behavior toward both males and females. Poor Bisexuality; erased for misunderstanding, fear, and non-exposure, being bisexual is a tricky thing. According to Rosario, Schrimshaw, Hunter, Braun (2006), “…,the development of a lesbian, gay, or bisexual (LGB) sexual identity is a complex and often difficult process. Unlike members of other minority groups (e.g., ethnic and racial minorities), most LGB individuals are not raised in a community of similar others from whom they learn about their identity and who reinforce and support that identity. Rather, LGB individuals are often raised in communities that are either ignorant of or openly hostile toward homosexuality,” (46-58).
I did not own and accept mine until I was 30 years old, yet I had an inclination from very young I was bisexual since I was the ripe age of 20. I did not own it for fear of becoming ostracized from my friends, family, and because I did not fully love myself. Just as the terms homosexual and heterosexual, the bisexual term was coined in the 19th century, but society is just as confused as what it actually signifies. People often ask me, “What ratio are you?”, “Why don’t you choose a side,” “You’re in denial,” “Does your family know, your wife, your friends, etc.?” These questions are all very good and valid because it suggests interest in bisexual awareness. Similar to everything else one encounters in life, my definition of being bisexual is a journey. Partly because I am finally owning it and not fearing others knowing, and just knowing that just how interests change and life can change, I am fully aware that my bisexuality can change, too.
The Kinsey Scale
Alfred Kinsey created a rating scale to describe a person’s sexual experience or response at a given time. Zero correlates with exclusively heterosexual and six correlates with exclusively homosexual. According to Kinsey, et all. (1948)
“Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual. The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories… The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. While emphasizing the continuity of the gradations between exclusively heterosexual and exclusively homosexual histories, it has seemed desirable to develop some sort of classification which could be based on the relative amounts of heterosexual and homosexual experience or response in each history […] An individual may be assigned a position on this scale, for each period in his life. […] A seven-point scale comes nearer to showing the many gradations that actually exist.”
The Kinsey Institute
I range from 2-4 and know that I will always fall within this subscale. There are times when I find women more attractive than men, other times I find men more attractive than women, and, yet, from time to time I find men and women to be equally attractive. I don’t let society (others) dictate who I have an attraction to, but, rather, I practice openness and allow a connection to establish if there is one to be had.
Owning my bisexuality allows me to improve my emotional intelligence. No, the fact that I am bisexual does not improve my emotional intelligence, but claiming my bisexuality allows me to fully love myself and others, be mindful to not assume situations and challenges others have or will confront(ed), and realize every person can provide positive influences on one another’s thinking and behavior. By understanding my own emotions and loving myself, I can better relate to the emotions of others, regulate my emotions to better provide conducive relationships, and become so vulnerable to allow people to better understand who I am. By owning my bisexuality, I have become confident to expose the authentic John Moore to the world. After telling friends and family where I fall on the Kinsey Scale, all I have received is positive feedback. This positive feedback reinforced my confidence to further allow me to realize I do have positive influences on others. The weight of the shame and uncertainty lifted because of the support I received which boosted my confidence levels. Confidence conquered fear, and I finally was allowed to embrace life authentically and blaze my trial.
By owning my bisexuality, I am finally nourishing my soul, providing others the best me I can provide, and helping others see the light at the end of their fight for significance and comfort. I am finally not lying to myself, to my family, to my wife, and my children will benefit from witnessing my authentic self as they become mature, beautiful women. By owning the fact that I am bisexual, I am providing evidence that bisexuality is real and courage can heal.
Without owning who I am, I cannot offer others and me my true potential.
This post is republished on Medium.
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