Abuse survivor Rob Brown kept his secret hidden from his family for years. When he finally told, he realized that it may have been too late for his marriage.
You don’t just blurt something like this out. I mean jeez…what I’ve been doing for 20 years has been working! Why would I just throw a great-big wrench into the gears? It would be the death of the best relationship of my life.
I love this woman beyond words! Imagine that! We met at Business School instead of a freakin BAR! I’ve waited so long to find the right person. I prayed fervently to meet someone like her. Everything is perfect about her. She’s simply the most amazing person I’ve ever met.
Everything is perfect about HER.
Lots of things are completely f**ked about ME!
No one can handle news like that. Its one of those things that was never supposed to happen! But I was a wimpy-boy, a colossal loser…at complete freak to allow that to happen without being reported, stopped, avenged…allowed to ever happen to begin with. I simply must never let her know. As planned, I’ll take it to the grave.
Oh God! Will she figure it out? Will she decipher from years of intimate behavior that I was raped over and over again by older boys? Will she figure-out that I was forced to provide oral gratification for them…that I can’t get these f**king images out of my head?
She wonders why I cry for weeks about a murdered or stolen child. She does not “get” why I sit-up all night drinking about 10 nights per year.
If she finds-out, she’ll believe everything conventional wisdom says about guys like me: “Destined to molest!” “Certainly Gay!” “Musta liked it if he didn’t report it.”
Your first 1000 orgasms were with older boys? WTF? C U L8R Rob!
The Sex and Couples’ Therapists figured it out in about 15 minutes; each and every one of them. They would then look me square in the face and say “Rob…man…you show ALL the signs of childhood sexual abuse…and its the only explanation for all of this!”
No, no, no NO! NOT ME! You’re wrong. I’m fine. If I tell her, I’ll lose everything! I’ll lose everything
In 2007, I told her. 18-years into a marriage that still makes me cry today from the perfect love I had for her, I told her.
I lost everything. I lost her.
So the meat of debate: When do you tell your future spouse or significant-other that you were sexually abused as a child? Should you even have a spouse or significant-other?
Image of locked gate courtesy of Shutterstock