A kid dressed up like Iron Man looking for candy isn’t promoting demonism.
As a pumpkin on a doorstep, I’m on the front lines of Halloween. Thanks to the stories passed down by generations of pumpkins I know the basics of what to expect: there will be candy and kids in costumes and I’ll be lit up with a candle.
That’s why the backlash against Halloween is so surprising. I recently overheard my carvers talking about this article:
As a child growing up in a small town in Nebraska, Halloween was not viewed as a sinister day promoting demonism, spiritism, occultism, Satanism, hedonism, witches, zombies or an invitation to walk on the dark side with demons.
First, I have to wonder: where exactly was that person trick-or-treating? A Megadeth concert? Comic-Con? The set of 666 Park Avenue?
I’m situated in your average residential neighborhood, and unless the Seven Princes of Hell are the “it” costumes this year, I’m pretty sure that I won’t be seeing many costumes that promote any of the bugaboos mentioned above. (It would be pretty interesting if a whole bunch of people worked together to create a huge Leviathan costume. They could then go around threatening to eat people unless they got a lot of candy in tribute.)
Before I was purchased, I was in the bin at the store with the other gourds, and we had a little betting pool about what the most popular costume would be. It’s sort of a gourd tradition.
The top bets were pretty typical—superheroes, princesses, cartoon characters of all sorts. Pretty tame stuff, on the whole. The only gourd that expected the whole host of hell to appear was one of those warty, strange-looking pumpkins.
I’m pretty sure if a kid dresses up as Iron Man and goes around to the neighbors looking for candy, it’s not promoting demonism. You are promoting robotic exoskeletons and tooth decay, but not demons.
Then again, as a gourd, I’m pretty agnostic. I don’t really believe in magic or angelic pumpkins or demonic pumpkins or an immortal, all-evil pumpkin wandering about. Some pumpkins do believe in a bearded Great Pumpkin, but I don’t buy it. I mean, every species seems to believe in a deity and that deity just so happens to look just like it. Amoebas have The Great Amoeba just as spaghetti squash believe in an all-powerful spaghetti squash that conveniently proclaims actual pasta as its enemy. As I understand it, ducks believe in some sort of huge, vengeful merganser. (I’m almost certain it is actually a Canada Goose; those things are awful.)
Religion aside, the folks against Halloween seem to be taking all of the ghosts, ghouls and zombies a bit literally. Do they really think that the Devil secretly high-fives Azeroth when a toddler dons a Dora mask and asks for candy? Having overheard that (clearly damned) “I’m the Map” song from Dora, I’m inclined to say yes, but that’s only because I was left in the living room while a Dora marathon was on. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I did condemn that map to the pit of hell several times.
Of course, I’m definitely biased in this. I’m a gourd, and Halloween is one of the key reason people grow gourds. Plus, we gourds are pretty hedonistic. Like most plants, I’m all in favor of spreading my pollen wherever and however I can. Bees, wind, butterflies, you name it. I mean, think about it, if gourds were humans, we’d be on every sex offender list you could imagine.
Speaking of terrifying encounters I’d never wish upon anyone, I’ve heard of these “hell houses” that some churches sponsor in order to convince people to convert. Now, I’m essentially just a seasonal decoration, but these seem like a terrible idea. Using DIY special effects to threaten people with eternal damnation doesn’t seem exactly, I don’t know, Christian. I overheard all of the Gospels at the farm where I was grown, and I don’t remember the one where Christ scared the bejesus out of his apostles by preparing a room full of gay demon abortion providers.
Anyway, I digress. I couldn’t be more excited for Halloween. When it all comes down to it, we gourds just love kids. If anything comes close to an angel, it’s a kid, right? Halloween may be a silly holiday, but if it makes kids happy, why not celebrate it?
I’ll leave that decision to you humans, though. Halloween or not, I’ve got a pretty good life. I mean, I’m a freaking gourd and tomorrow’s the big day!
photo creepyhalloweenimages / Flickr