Guilt might interfere more than any other emotion with our efforts to heal and find peace.
Many times I hear people say “My ex makes me feel so guilty when they say…” This attitude is detrimental to you and your well-being, as you eventually start feeling depressed and powerless. Here are three tips to deal with guilt:
Change your language
NO-ONE—I mean NO-ONE can make you feeling anything unless you allow the feeling to be real for you. Every time you say, “My ex makes me feel so guilty when they—” you are giving them power. Instead, you should say, “I make myself feel guilty when—” This way you are making yourself aware that it is indeed you judging yourself. This is something you can fix.
Decide why you are judging yourself
Now! It is now time to decide why you’re judging yourself. We are brought up to be nice, polite and use our manners to be kind or nice. Somehow society has taught us that it’s wrong to think of our own needs. Thinking of yourself is a good thing. It can be therapeutic to be a little selfish at times. We should care how we feel and how things affect us.
Look deep into yourself. There’s a button there your ex is pushing. Maybe you caused the breakup. If so, look deep inside yourself and figure out why the relationship was not pleasing you. You have to figure out the “why” before you can get to step 3.
Love this part of yourself
You must love yourself before you can love another. You now understand why you’re having difficulty.
Close your eyes and ask yourself how did processing this help you? Wasn’t it better for both of you that you left an unhappy, un-fulfilling relationship? No one likes living a lie. It was also preventing you from finding the partner you were meant to be with.
This article originally appeared at Divorced and Scared No More!
Photo by mindnobody.