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If you work in advertising and are married, then you know the struggle. Your time is more valuable now than it was before you were married. Before you had a baby. Before baby number two. Before T-ball, dance class, kindergarten orientation, and holy crap what happened to my 20s?
At the same time clients are clients. Deadlines are deadlines. This is advertising.
I built my career on being one of the people agencies rely on when it counts. New business. Big meetings. That unsexy Saturday shoot. But as life spins faster and faster, it got tougher and tougher to be an office hero without being a total zero at home.
So that’s today’s assignment: Work in advertising and stay married.
STEP ONE: Get the brief.
Here’s the single most important thing: The halls of agencies are filled with people whose exes still don’t understand why they canceled vacation for a car battery shoot. This assignment won’t be easy. Why? Because the client’s going to call. Because the lawyers will un-approve your concept. Because one of the agency partners needs 20 new platform ideas to sell a blender by tomorrow morning. Somewhere between PresentationFinal.pdf and PresentationFinalFINALv3.pdf marriages break.
For me, advertising was more like a 5-9 than a 9-5. It demanded 110% of my energy and it was hard to deliver on that expectation without impacting my home life. But my wife is amazing and we figured it out together. If we did it, you can too and hopefully these tips will help.
STEP TWO: Panic.
Take as much time as you need.
STEP THREE: Get past the expected stuff.
If you want to build something great, you have to get past good. My wife and I work to get past things like folding laundry, cleaning dishes & packing lunches. If you can get away with not chipping in on chores, then more power to you. I checked. I’m not good looking enough for that, so find a way to muscle through the mundane. Give 15 minutes a day to your household instead of your clients and your marriage might thank you. In other words, unload the dishwasher.
Step FOUR: Call the freelancers.
Cleaning service, meal delivery, robot vacuum, whatever. Just get yourself some help. I’m writing this as I sit in a chair, traveling 600mph somewhere over Pennsylvania and at the very same time, someone is cleaning my gutters. I can totally do that job, but I totally can’t, because I’m traveling for work on a weekend. Some things in your marriage can’t be freelanced, but if you can find a guy to clean the gutters in your life, then hire that out and spend your time on more important jobs. Like bringing home a surprise bottle of Champagne and McDonald’s. The best marriage advice I can give you is that French fries pair excellently with a crisp glass of bubbly and the couch. (You’re welcome.) Because wouldn’t you rather be there than on a ladder scooping goop out of your gutter?
STEP FIVE: Pull an all-nighter.
There are going to be times when work wins the battle for your time. Deadlines don’t give a fork about pasta dinner at your church, but your family sure does. When I took this job, I told my boss that the most precious hour of my day is from 6:00-7:00pm. To me, that hour is like the image sensor on the camera. It’s untouchable. My boss is one of the good ones. She understands that. So nine times out of ten, I get myself home in time to eat dinner with my family. To ask my kids what surprised them at school today. To get everyone tucked in and ready for tomorrow. Once everyone is sleeping, I jump back in for a night shift. I write the blender manifesto. I bang out more headlines. I set myself up to come in tomorrow morning with the goods and be the reliable guy the agency hired. The bottom line is that it’s your job to find the time and you might have to look in some unexpected places.
STEP SIX: Strategize.
If my wife and I strategize for the week ahead, we win. If we don’t, my house is a hot mess by Wednesday. My family is held together by a 4×3 marker board. Swim class. Dance lessons. Purple shirt day. It’s all there. Every Sunday my wife and I mix a drink and map out the week. We talk about what to put in the Crockpot, when the big meetings are and who has show and tell. If you take nothing else away from this article it should be that knowing what’s for dinner before dinner is completely liberating.
STEP SEVEN: Over-communicate.
The fastest way to get a black eye in advertising is to leave at 5:00pm. Doesn’t matter if you came in early and ate your lunch at your desk. If you start putting your coat on before 5:15, it looks like you’re not committed. Sometimes I win that battle, sometimes I lose. My wife and I communicate throughout the day to make sure nobody’s caught off guard. A simple, “running late” or “on the bus” text is all it takes to make sure we’re on the same page.
Everyone deserves a good work life balance—even if you work in advertising. If you’re reporting to people who don’t get that, leave. Walk out the door and into your next chapter in life. You can use me as a reference if you want.
I know what I signed up for when I pursued a career in advertising. I will happily give this industry all of my creative energy, most of my time on Earth and –despite my best efforts– some of my hair. This industry is stressful, infuriating, exhilarating, inspiring and draining all at the same time. I get paid to come up with ideas and I literally can’t imagine working anywhere else. I love this business. But I also love my wife, my family and my life outside of this three-ring circus.
This industry can have my hair, but I won’t let it take my marriage. I hope you won’t either.
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