Maintaining a Relationship with Your Partner After Kids

Let’s be honest, after you have kids, the relationship with your partner changes. Suddenly, it’s not just the two of you.

You’re in charge of this tiny human who depends on you for everything. For the first few months, you’re in pure survival mode. Sleep is non-existent. Showers can be few and far between. Before you know it, you’re sitting on the couch next to your partner and realize you haven’t had a real conversation in weeks.

Once you get past the pure survival stage, you have to carve out time for your relationship. When I was coming out of this stage with my first and heard this advice, I panicked a bit. I wasn’t ready to leave my baby for hours at night. It felt selfish. It felt like this big organizational thing I had to figure out.

Let me fill you in on a secret: it doesn’t need to be an over-the-top production. You just have to find ways to connect with your partner. As adults and partners, not as parents. If you want to, go ahead and plan the fancy night out. Or, just sit on the couch and talk when the baby is sleeping. The key is to talk about anything other than the baby. It’s not easy, but it is so important.

As my kids have gotten older, I’ve settled into the role of mom. Sure, day-to-day things will throw me off, but I generally feel like I’ve got a handle on this. We fall into our daily routine and before we know it, it could be days before my husband and I have a real conversation. And we each feel it.

When we set aside the time for a date night, or just sit on the couch talking after the kids are in bed, I feel more connected to my husband. I feel lighter. Those connection points help us be better parents. They help us be better partners on this crazy ride that is life with kids.
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