Fear and attachment surrounding sexuality can hamper your ability to love.
Atalwin Pilon is currently on a trip around the world. This is his latest dispatch.
I am sitting in some little restaurant a couple of minutes from our classroom. I am experiencing “the avalanche effect”. In the tantra tradition it is recommended that Shiva (the man) and Shakti (the woman) create distance between them after their union. So instead of having lunch with my fellow participants I am now by myself, experiencing and processing the exercises of this morning.
The avalanche effect allows the energy that is built up during the union to expand. The love and the bliss that is generated can now be spread over the whole town and the desire for more is fueled.
It is an interesting practice because the feeling that we now call “expansion” is in conventional language called “missing your loved one” and experienced as somewhat undesirable. It can feel nice to miss somebody because we become aware of our love for the other. But it can also feel as painful and a form of suffering; at least that is how it feels for me. Or better: for Atalwin.
As Shiva I am not suffering because nothing is lacking. I just feel love, generated from my heart and expanded into the Universe. Not only do I love, I also feel deeply loved, wanted, honored and appreciated. And I can use this compassion to do good things, to contribute to the well-being of others. I can trust that my source is limitless.
Often is said in the course that when you don’t lose your sexual energy you can use it for good things. When Atalwin heard that, there was still disbelief. Because he still assumed there would be a feeling of frustration around “unfulfilling sex”. And how do you do “good things” with your frustrated energy? What kind of good deeds would it be? Shouting at the parking police?
But he starts to understand. And he starts to see his fears and attachments around love and how that is limiting him. It wasn’t a limitation coming from contraction or everyday narrow-mindedness but from ignorance. He did not know one could consciously transform personal, physical love into Divine love and impersonal compassion. Just the well-respected thought “sex is something beautiful between two people” alone is already limiting. It suggests privacy and secrecy: what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. But the love and life force that is generated between two people has the potential to heal others, community and planet. Perhaps this sounds hard to imagine. But I think it is easy to see that it is hard to do something that goes against our true nature when our heart is very open. Acting from greed, fear, anger or jealousy just ruins the beautiful mood so we naturally want to remain in that nurturing flow and act in agreement with life.
According to Manu, one of the two teachers, the experience I had on Wednesday was some sort of energetical awakening. He said my system was ready and the experience was so powerful because I am a fire sign (supposedly it takes us fire signs longer to open up to this kind of energies). From now on it will happen more often, he reassured me. I hope so and I am grateful. It will allow me to keep practicing working with energies and chakra’s even though I don’t have a partner. I will buy a ton of music from their school, collected over the years and specially selected for their resonance with the different chakra’s and use them for meditation.
I have finished my soup and will go back up the hill to meditate before I will start the yoga class. All the asana’s we do are meant to open up our chakra’s and make sublimation easier/possible. Although yoga is always a bit of a struggle I am motivated to do my best. Afterwards there will be separate meetings for men and women and then it will be already the end of the course. The Shakti’s will prepare a ceremony to celebrate our last moments together. I am looking forward.
I have included a few pics from Goddess Shakti, a few from Lord Shiva. Check out the beauty in their eyes.
Article originally appeared at Basic Goodness.
Photos by Atalwin Polin, used with permission.