CEO of adultery website Ashley Madison, Noel Biderman: “People pursuing affairs are trying to stay in their marriage. They’re just trying to have their cake and eat it too.”
According to Biderman, the adulterers on his website cheat not because they want to end their marriage, but because they’re trying to preserve it.
They do love and cherish their families, the economic situation, their extended family, but what they don’t cherish is what goes on or doesn’t go on in the bedroom.
Despite Biderman’s message of marital sanctity, the website’s slogan, “Life is short. Have an affair,” doesn’t seem to correlate with this idea. The opening ad, which shows two people about to engage in some sexual activity, only seems to glorify the idea of sleeping around.
Which is why we’re a little taken aback by Biderman’s claim that he is “happily married” and would be “devastated” if his wife used the website behind his back, he’s okay with helping others have affairs. To him, he’s just a matchmaker. He says, “My role in this is to connect people who are unhappy in their relationship when it comes to a sexual need.”
But it’s hard to take the high road when Biderman’s site has over 1.9 million users paying around $100 per consort. And he’s admitted that he expects the website to eventually surpass singles-dating websites.
Infidelity crosses both genders, every socio-economic group, ethnic groups. It’s a worldwide issue. So my market potential is probably larger than singles dating sites. Are we the next billion dollar company? I would argue so.
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
Professor Eric: What you’re saying is true, I would also extend that to women as well. Cheating doesn’t mean you want to end a relationship, but it’s difficult to get all of your sexual needs/desires from one person, whether you’re a man or a woman. In a world with more and more stimulation, where we’re moving faster and faster, it’s a lot more difficult for both men and women to stay excited and stimulated within relationships. “So, men get ‘over’ sex with their partners quickly, but their emotional love (their history, intimacy and connection) grow stronger in time.” I completely… Read more »
I don’t know what to think of the site though, as it does promote dishonesty and could seriously affect families negatively. Tough call.
From a business perspective, it makes perfect sense. There’s a lot of coupled people out there = sizeable market, plus far less competition the in the singles dating market. So, go for it. It’s the rationalizing it as “a good thing” or “a moral thing” that fall flat. Yeah, so it’s probably true that for a many people, one person is not going to satisfy their needs or be the ideal format for life. Probably Eric is right that having recreational sex adds some spice back and keep things vibrant for some people. But having an affair is not the… Read more »
well bless your heart, you’re a little stupid aren’t you??? whatever dude, YOU DESERVE to be cheated on!!
Do poly people not exist? Some of us are a-ok with our partners having “affairs” with others. But, we want to be respectful of the people we’re with too. Not everyone out there is okay with polyamory. Sometimes we have to try a bit harder to find people who are okay with having fun with someone who is already attached.
Aw shucks… this ain’t a poly site… it’s a cheatin’ site. Plain and simple deception. No honesty.
Plus, in a poly… there cannot be ‘cheating’ as there is an open agreement one can sleep with others.
I don’t know if the website emphasizes strictly physical relationships, but if he’s making a blanket statement about why men have affairs, he’s overlooking the many affairs that are emotional affairs and not purely physical. The emotional, intimate affair can be just as damaging to a marriage, even more damaging to a marriage, than the purely physical affairs. The most one could say is that most men are not having an affair with the primary goal of destroying a relationship, but that’s not to say the affairs are just meaningless to them. Just because you’re not trying to destroy something… Read more »
SOmetimes it is for sheer economic necessity. The man cannot afford two households and he wants to keep his kids in a good school and look after their needs, college tuition, etc. Meanwhile, the athletic, sweet petite he married may have morphed into a sumo wrestler he has no intention of grappling with in bed. She may experience back pain from bending over to pick up the remote and is subsequently taking handfuls of painkillers and imagining that she is a beauty queen and she can’t understand why her man no longer gives her the love she so desperately needs.… Read more »
I’ve been researching this for over two years now (in-depth interviews with 120 men) and, yes, this is precisely correct. Men cheat because they want to maintain their relationships, but want/need (are compelled to seek) extra sex. I also show that cheating promotes relationship health. The book, to be released this Fall with Oxford University Press, will likely be title: The Monogamy Gap: Men, Cheating, and the Reality of love.
Maybe it promotes health in that the woman is naive and doesn’t know, but as soon as she finds out, that marriage is neither healthy nor happy. There is nothing positive about cheating. If a man is not getting any, he needs to let his partner know this, and if she doesn’t want to give him any, then there are obvious problems in the relationship besides sexual dissatisfaction that need to be addressed.
Hi Amber, It’s not a matter of the woman not giving him any – this is not a woman-blaming concept – it is the desensitization that occurs with regular sex with anyone. In time, sex with the same person loses its ‘umph’ despite how much you try to spice it up, or change locations, etc.. Studies have shown this for decades, that the longer a couple are together the less sex they have, generally resulting in very very little sex after years of marriage. Desensitization occurs faster these days: more sexual availability, pornography (as wonderful as it is) takes the… Read more »
“Besides, monogamy is a brand new human condition, and it’s ‘far’ from natural.”
The fact that we form pair bonds at all (something none of the other great apes do, iirc,) implies otherwise.
It’s all about profiting from someone else’s misery, lack, or marital discord. To hell with the consequences. $100 a pop and 1.9 million users? Some folks will take a brown paper bag, spray paint into it and say, “Here, have a huff.”