1. Punxsutawney Phil is really old.
2. Today’s the one day each year people still use fax machines.
3. There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned church brawl.
4. Carbs will fix your broken heart.
5. A poop-sniffing, cancer-finding dog.
6. Yay, Wall Street! What a great example of honest, hard work paying off—wait, what?
7. The best Valentine’s Day gift (miniature watering can and miniature landscaper not included).
8. Invisibility for $400? Yes, please.
9. Puppy mail fails.
10. Oh, Ben.