I really don’t want to hate February 14th and it makes me angry that I do. It makes me angry, because ideally it should be a day where two or more people should be able to reaffirm their love for one another–not yet another way the advertising industry can guilt people (usually men) into buying expensive bullshit to “prove their love”.
“But Marc,” I hear you say, “Aren’t you one of those weird gray sexual creatures that’s not particularly interested in sex or relationships? Why does this bother you so much?” Simple, really: because it’s usually me that has to fucking hear about it all the damn time round this time of the year from husbands and boyfriends who are stressing because they haven’t bought their girlfriends and wives a gift. Regardless of whether their wives or girlfriends actually want expensive presents, there will be a torrent of ads and media specifically designed to make men out to either be dumb cavemen or sad and pathetic for not opening their wallets.
Not that I am down on men buying presents for their partner(s) on Valentine’s Day (I quite enjoy buying people presents personally), I just get tired of seeing that the only way that you can show your love for a woman is by showing off the size of your bank balance.
Oh and let’s not beat around the bush: Valentine’s Day (in its current form any way) is most defiantly a blatant celebration of, as Noah put it, Hegemonic Heterosexuality. Maybe because it’s the most profitable form a relationship can take? Sure, I’ve seen cards for same-gender couples, but it’s lip service, no two ways about it.
Also, why is it only exclusively romantic or sexual love that has to be celebrated? Why can’t platonic love be celebrated, as well? I’d be interested if anyone has ever sent a card to their best friend or proposed they just spend the day together because it’s been a long time since they hung out.
I hate feeling this way about a day that’s supposed to be about celebrating love and all that makes life worth living– mostly because it puts me reluctantly alongside the hipper-than-thou cynical arseholes of the world who hate joy and love and kittens and spend their time trying to prove that human happiness is an illusion.
So, for the sake of me being able to have a quiet life, Valentine’s Day, would you kindly sort yourself out? Despite my attitude, I think you’re worth saving. If you’re planning on a special day with your significant other(s) then I hope you have a happy Valentine’s Day.
wow… I uh… totally forgot valentines day was yesterday until i read this post, I guess that’s what happens when you don’t check facebook for 3 days and don’t leave your house.
Actually, a couple of us sent Valentine’s gifts to our friend because she’s awesome and has been going through some stressful interviews of late.
Personally I’ve always been of the opinion that there must be give and take in the day. So either both partners participate in making it a “special” day, or they take turns (got friends who do this) to do something, or don’t do anything out of the ordinary. This year me and my partner spent the night together pretty much how we usually would. We played old videogames (Kings Quest 7) and ate curry we made together. The only thing that was all that different about the day was that I sent her a whole bunch of links with nerdy… Read more »
I see Valentine’s Day as an idiot check.
If you fall for heteronormative media and industry bullshit to prove your love by buying things, you FAIL.
If, on the other hand, you celebrate your relationship with your partner(s) in a mutually satisfactory way every day of your life, congratulations! You pass.
This year for V-day my partner and I made dinner together at home (both introverts, hate the idea of busy restaurants on a made-up “holiday”) and exchanged notes and gifts. He gave me a hand-drawn pictogram note (ok, there was a penis drawing in there, which I find HILARIOUS…think “Superbad”) and some of my favorite gourmet treats from a local shop that he knows I like and I gave him a list of some things I really appreciate about him and gift certificate for a 1-hr massage as he’s taken up some new physical activities and has had sore shoulders… Read more »
Stacy and DDH, those are very sweet stories. Stacy especially, thank you for providing an exmaple of what I was saying about what actual women like for Valentine’s Day. Hey, question for the actual women here – how much would you like to do Valentine’s Day stuff for your guy – this is for those that swing that way – but just don’t because you doubt it will be received the right way? I mean you are leery of getting some kind of resistance – eeeww, not all that mushy stuff – not that you can’t handle it, but why… Read more »
I despise commercialization of ANY human feelings! I hate commercialization of Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, the Fourth of July, St. Patrick’s Day, May Day, Halloween–you name it. I DO celebrate folks expressing love for all–agape love–online here in Blogville as we have seen on many posts the past few days.
Marc2020, “I’m not down on gift giving it’s just a man’s worth seems to often be measured on how much he can afford to spend.” What about the men that cherish the opportunity to flatter their girlfriend/boyfriend with gifts, as well as the opportunity to express appreciation, since they in general cannot due to class and NT/ability issues? Intentional or not, there is an ablist and class tilt to this criticism just as AB has continually noted to other posters complaining of the dating scene that, hey, many women have low-self esteem and mental health issues, and are less-than middle-class.… Read more »
I’m not from the US cultural hegemony so my parents usually buy me a gift for Valentine’s day. This year my father bought me a programming book and I bought my parents small gifts as well. When I was a kid everyone in my kindergarten class used to make Valentine’s Day cards for their mothers. When I moved to the US, my first week of school involved Valentine’s Day, during which I was confused about why all the kids were giving each other little cards and why I did not get one. This was before teachers started to enforce mandatory… Read more »
Debaser, I am not a “Shrodingers Rapist” fan–although I get what she was saying. The original “Shrodingers Cat” was a scientific thing, and I am very firm about not mixing science metaphors/concepts with social metaphors/concepts. Its the same way I rarely comment in atheist/skeptical spaces. Aside: I was recently called “woo headed asshole” on Facebook by one of Ginmar’s friends… and this upset me, since I keep my woo away (usually) from the atheists and so-called rational people. (Unless ozy loses an eyelash or something, and needs helpful incantations via Twitter, in which case I always try to help out.)… Read more »
Daisy, as far as I can tell I’ve been blocked from commenting on that other thread. Maybe the next open thread I can clarify my statements…but, for now please note that I already clarified them later on in that thread when I talk about my hypothetical guitar playing video.
And Daisy, in regards to this thread…that man wasn’t Shrodingers Rapist? He did approach you after all and Shrodingers Rapist states that “any man who approaches me…”.
I suspect this comment will be deleted, so I hope you read it before that happens…
Some really ancient man stopped me on Monday while I was shopping and asked when Valentines Day was. I told him tomorrow, and he made a noise, it was cute. He bought her some nice roses… he said “It’ll surprise the devil out of her, since I never remember”… I admit, I was so happy to be part of that. I realized, as you get older, you remember all those things you forgot, and some things take on different meanings entirely. He didn’t do that just for “romance”–but to thank her for not minding all those years, the years he… Read more »
One of the best Valentine’s Days I ever had was my freshman year in college. I was carpooling with a good friend of mine, a male friend, and we were both single but not interested in each other. But we were each other’s best friends at that time, and so for Valentine’s Day we bought each other an energy drink and a chocolate bar and played video games all afternoon. It was bliss. This is not to say that nothing my current S.O. has done for me has paled in comparison, it was just really refreshing to spend a platonic… Read more »
“This isn’t at all an uncommon complaint about Valentine’s Day, and it is understandable. But also keep in mind that for a lot of us with less than middle-class backgrounds and/or that lacked a stable homelife growing up, a day like this is a blessing. ” Thank you, Collette. Thank you. This always seems to get forgotten. Thank you. “Valentine’s Day (in its current form any way) is most defiantly a blatant celebration of, as Noah put it, Hegemonic Heterosexuality. ” Whose current form? There is more to reality than popular culture and commericals you see on TV. Come on… Read more »
This notion that valentines day is only about romantic love is false. Anyone with school aged children who receive hand made hearts and cards could tell you this.
IMO stop watching network tv and reading trashy magazines.
/carry-on
Contrary to what seems to be a growing body of received opinion, Valentine’s Day was not invented as a moneyspinner by Hallmark et al. Yes, they exploit it ruthlessly – why wouldn’t they? – and the custom of sending cards is less than 200 years old, having taken off in the days of the penny post; but the association of the day with romantic love goes back at least as far as the late middle ages, and was already established by the time Geoff Chaucer wrote “The Parlement of Foules”. Substantiating any direct link either to St Valentine himself or… Read more »
As a matter of fact, in Finland at least, Valentines day has been replaced by “Friend-day”, and it’s a celebration of companionship and all kinds of love. Consumerism sneaks in anyway, though.
My partner and I don’t have a lot of money and don’t like to make a big deal out of Valentine’s Day at any rate. This year we spent the evening eating a homemade curry and watching season 2 of Sherlock. I don’t even remember what we did last year. My partner and I always try to remember the original meaning of the feast day and try to stay faithful to that: wolves, blood and fucking.
When I was at school I made valentines for my closest friends. They thought I was a bit weird, but MAN making those things made me really happy and I felt in love with the whole world. This year I was reminded of that by something online, and I sent a text to one of my best friends to say that I loved him and hoped I knew him for a long time. A tiny, silly gesture, but I think he was happy to receive it and the thought of it is still making me happy today 🙂
@Pietro: How is Halloween any less “shallow” than V-Day? It’s not. It’s just less “Hegemonic Heterosexual” 😉 @marc2020: Also, why is it only exclusively romantic or sexual love that has to be celebrated? Why can’t platonic love be celebrated, as well? I’d be interested if anyone has ever sent a card to their best friend or proposed they just spend the day together because it’s been a long time since they hung out. I thought so too. But last night the sunshine of my life, my two nieces 9 and 12 y.o. came over. Winter flu and everything… And gave… Read more »
My girlfriend texted me today wishing me happy valentines day. I totally forgot it was valentines day, and texted her back saying so. We both got a kick out of that.
God I love my girlfriend. 🙂
I don’t really understand the hate for Valentine’s Day. Yeah, it is extremely overcommercialized, but so are a lot of other feasts. How is Halloween any less “shallow” than V-Day? If anything, my objection to it is that the way in which it is usually celebrated is bland and kind of boring… Yeah, it is a feast for romantic couples. Those who are not in a romantic couple at the moment (such as myself, for example) do not celebrate it. What’s the problem with that? I don’t celebrate Father’s Day either, on account of me, you know, not being anybody’s… Read more »
Actually Marc I’ve had a rotten valentine’s day but for reasons completely unrelated. Someone flipped shits about trans folk in a chat room I frequent and my distaste for physical violence and the way some people were using the term “privilege” netted me -1 friend.
The two kids I babysat tonight (while their parents went on a date) got to buy each other presents for Valentine’s Day, and on the Crunk Feminist Collective’s blog there’s a good post about spending V-day with friends.
Also, I feel this comic was made for you, Marc: NOT SAFE FOR WORK
Valentine’s Day in its current form is indeed a celebration of corporate profit and hegemonic masculinity. And before it was in its current form, it was… nothing. It’s a made up holiday created to boost corporate profit.
Of course it’d be nice if it was something else, but saying “Gee, I wish Valentine’s Day was a celebration of true human connection, not conspicuous consumption” makes as much sense as saying “Gee, I wish Dick Cheney was a situationist sculptor, not a neo-conservative torture fan”