Noah Brand
A whole bunch of new shit! Noah admits that he’s a racist. South Dakota has man camps full of breadwinning men. Legend of Korra episode is leaked. A task force is convened in Massachusetts on shared parenting.
Ozy Frantz
The Good Men Project reprinted my Good Consent piece, all about how not to rape people.
I’d like to see feminist pickup advice for women wanting to approach men, including dispelling harmful myths and listing some of the advantages of doing so. For example, dating guys you actually want (including those ever-elusive shy nerdy types!), and (according to guys) being judged more for your personality and less for your looks (confidence and a good sense of humor trumps a few extra pounds and frumpy clothes!). I think that would fall squarely under a feminist mandate, helping women get what they want, and tearing down traditional dating roles at the same time. Likely that advice would also… Read more »
@daelyte: I’m assuming that the PUA community is a weird caricature with the occasional sprinkle of truth. What I’m saying is that’s still a lot more useful than the what the feminist community currently offers. I can’t agree with this enough. Big parts of the problem with “feminist” sources (to which I mean, sources that either primarily discuss feminism in a positive light or who self-identify as feminists) when it comes to dating advice are these, at least from my perspective: 1. A tendency to write from the perspective of a woman thinking about approaching herself, and thus fully capable… Read more »
@Solo: “You are assuming that the PUA manual is a reasonable guide to social interaction rather than a weird caricature with the occasional sprinkle of truth.” PUA manual? I was talking about a few PUA groups, and from what I’ve seen they are as diverse as feminism, so it’s not fair to paint them with such a broad brush. Besides which, far too many women think that Cosmo is a reasonable guide to social interaction rather than a weird caricature with the occasional sprinkle of truth. When so many women take their dating script from such sources, men who want… Read more »
You are assuming that the PUA manual is a reasonable guide to social interaction rather than a weird caricature with the occasional sprinkle of truth. IMO most people are already operating at the limit of their ability to mind read. Rather than trying to figure out whether a no means yes, it would be better to just have everyone feel comfortable saying yes. That’s a minority of cases of course. Most only complain to their friends or write about it online, and dump the guy because “he doesn’t seem interested” enough. Maybe he really wasn’t interested. The main reason for… Read more »
@Solo: Nice stats, thanks for the link. “Okay, that’s a valid case where he/she should be educated on unacceptable mind games.” That’s a minority of cases of course. Most only complain to their friends or write about it online, and dump the guy because “he doesn’t seem interested” enough. The main reason for this “token resistance” seems to be a combination of slut shaming and the assumption that men are so impulsive that if they’re not ready to rape a woman then they must not be in love with her. Ozy’s Law strikes again. So the question is, how can… Read more »
@daelyte
See tables 2.5 and 2.6 .
http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf
Okay, that’s a valid case where he/she should be educated on unacceptable mind games.
Wow, that turned out a lot more negative than I thought at the time. I guess I was tired. @Hugh Tipping: Yes rape is bad, we know that. Does that mean people shouldn’t date at all? Maybe men should also poke their eyes out, to avoid the risk of “eye rape”? If you want people to listen to you, try putting yourself in their shoes for a moment and think about what you’re saying. @Solo: Learning how to recognize a likely “yes” helps increase dating confidence, even if the opportunity isn’t acted upon. It’s easier to take even a feeble… Read more »
@Hugh Tipping:
Repeated relationship failure leads to feminist advice getting ditched in favor of guys like Roissy.
@Solo:
I’d like to see where you got those stats, because the CDC report I found didn’t match that.
“How would you reliably distinguish between token and real resistance?”
One way is, if your intended partner gets upset enough to verbally abuse you for not pushing forward, that was token resistance.
@gillianlove: Cut me some slack, gay marriage is the vernacular. And seeing as how the goal is to allow gay people to get married, I don’t think it’s inappropriate to refer to it as such.
@daelyte
45(51)% of men(women) were raped by what the CDC refers to as ‘Current or Former Intimate Partner’. They have a separate perpetrator category defined as Acquaintance (Includes friends, neighbors, family friends, first date, someone briefly known, and people not known well) that nets between 30 and 45% of incidents depending on the severity of the violation.
How would you reliably distinguish between token and real resistance?
@daelyte: Relationship failure is preferable to rape.
@Noah Brand:
My definition of an acquaintance and a romantic partner do not coincide. 77% applies to the former, the numbers I’ve been able to find for the latter are closer to 10-14%, which wouldn’t fit my definition of “usually”. My complaint is about the 60% or so that are in between “stranger” and partner”, and I have yet to see it addressed in a way that will help people achieve their mutual desires despite the ridiculous gendered dating scripts promoted by the mainstream media.
@Ozy Frantz: “The Good Men Project reprinted my Good Consent piece, all about how not to rape people.” Two problems with this one, first the entire article seems to assume two people that are already partnered up – is this where consent is usually a problem? Second, while I see an effort to write in a gender-neutral way, it doesn’t deal with the social problem that one gender is expected (by their partner) to initiate, often despite token resistance, without having to be told. Failure to do so leads to relationship failure, before it even gets to what this article… Read more »
Two problems with this one, first the entire article seems to assume two people that are already partnered up – is this where consent is usually a problem?
Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: Well, ONLY 77% of the time. I don’t know what your definition of “usually” is.
Oh, also:
You got your Dakotas mixed up.
It’s equal marriage, not ‘gay’ marriage.
Ho man Legend of Korra. I saw the episode, just too much temptation to resist. It is good, guys. YOU GUYS IT IS SO GOOD. Regarding the piracy issue, I think Nickelodeon responded to it well by releasing the second episode as well. One-up the pirates, and win some kudos with the fans! I know I’m gonna watch the hell out of it. I’ll even make sure to watch it ON TV at the actual time it airs! I NEVER do that! With regards to racism, it’s kind of a problem inherent in English that things you do make you… Read more »