Shouting suggestive words at a woman isn’t a compliment. It’s a a way of saying, “If I really wanted to, I could.”
I don’t want to belabor a point that has been made more eloquently (or funnier) by better writers, but until it stops, I’m going to write about it. The time to end cat-calling has long since passed, but still I see it. It’s not cute. It’s not complimentary. It’s not endearing. It’s threatening, and it’s de-humanizing.
I was sitting on my porch, watching the sun go down and the woman riding her bicycle down the other side of the street. I watched her because I thought she was pretty. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one. She, riding down the bike lane, passed a man on the sidewalk. The man on the sidewalk leered at her as he ambled along.
“Pump, baby, pump.” He shouted as she got closer. “Pump, baby. With yo fine ass.”
I’d like to mention that she was wearing a skirt, flowy and ankle-length, and a sweater that covered her up to her collar bones (it was even long-sleeved). So, no, her clothing had nothing to do with her treatment. That’s a complete non-starter with me, and I won’t tolerate it.
She was wearing, in that one outfit, more fabric than the entirety of my running clothes collection. Sometimes women yell at me as I’m running. The difference? The average woman can’t overpower me. Is it okay for someone to shout suggestive things at someone he/she doesn’t know? No. Is it scary when a woman shouts at me? No.
I don’t know what he was thinking when he shouted at her — probably something along the lines of being complimentary or funny. He was neither. What he was saying when he said, “Pump, baby, pump” was actually, “You have things that I want and if I wanted to, I could take them.” How the hell is that funny or sweet or anything positive? This man was easily double her weight and close to a foot taller. I’m assuming they were complete strangers as well. Does he seriously not know he’s behaving in a threatening manner? I want to believe that he doesn’t (or other cat-callers for that matter). I know that sometimes it’s just not true, but I want to believe it.
So, if you have ever cat-called a woman, stop. Stop now. If you haven’t? Good. Don’t start.
Someone reading this may think something along the lines of “You treated her like an object, too. You only noticed her because she was physically attractive.” I noticed her because she was moving. I watched for a few seconds because she’s physically attractive. I don’t think I objectified her. I noticed her skirt, too, and thought, so that’s why women’s bicycles have that silly drop bar thing. The most important part, though, is that I didn’t accost her. I didn’t stare overly long. I didn’t invade her personal space. I didn’t shout at her. I did nothing (I hope) to make her think that she was a thing to be possessed or stolen.
Photo—Flickr/ Gandalf Cunningham
I never felt comfortable witnessing this type of behaviour. I also have never seen it happen from a guy on his own, always in a group. So is this about complimenting the woman or parading macho masculinity in front of other men?
i think a lot of the men who don’t do this sort of thing don’t realise how common it is, because when you’re walking down the street with a woman, the behavior isn’t there. it’s when that same woman is walking alone that it might be very very common. I went for work drinks with some coworkers and one woman was talking about how there’s a certain street she walks down to get home from work. Every day she is yelled at by men on this street, but she chooses to keep walking it because it’s very busy in the… Read more »
I am so sick of men calling out to me, offering rides, and making those disgusting kiss noises that I now walk really fast wearing a long coat and big heavy expensive handbag like armor when I walk the streets…I have a sourpuss on my face and ready to give a dirty look if approached by the usual homeless, hung-over drunks, or doofus creeps that assault me on my daily walk through midtown….karate has changed my attitude and I think I look less timid on the mean streets….Out of my way! (Plus I make my husband drive me back and… Read more »
I was not even 10 years old the first time a carload of guys cat called me as I crossed the street in front of my house one day. I was terrified and felt embarrassed of myself without even knowing why. The second time I was only 12, and I was again scared, and it completely threw the exhuberant, kid mood I had been in. I’ve never liked it, but there are women who do. Sadly they encourage this behavior as an esteem boost. Thanks for writing this though, I don’t think it’s ok for strangers to shout out anything… Read more »
Thank you for writing this, Christian. I think most men have *no idea* how intimidating it can feel to a woman to be called out to or whistled at on the street. The first emotion I feel when that happens to me is fear, and it’s always been that way for me. Maybe it’s because I was so young when it first happened. It scared me then and the fear stuck with me. This fear is kind of…instinctual, for some of us. Being whistled or yelled at in public makes me feel very vulnerable. It NEVER happens to me if… Read more »
Well said, Christian–especially the last paragraph. We don’t have to set aside our sensory, chemical, and instinctive reactions, just control them, as our mothers taught us and as our daughters deserve.
I thought this was a strong piece; direct and honest. Some of the folks commenting here are missing the big picture by focusing on some of the details of what you said. I get it, and I’m glad to have read it. Cat-calling is something I can honestly say I’ve never done. My mom raised me better than that. I absolutely notice women. It’s biology, physiology. Animals (including humans) notice each other. It’s the first step in what eventually leads us to finding a partner. We’re designed to mate. Does that mean we have no control over how we think… Read more »
You’re being a bit simplistic with your idea that women cannot overpower you. I know plenty of women who would easily overpower you, women who are strong as hell. I am 6’6, 300lbs, plenty of muscle and even I Fear them. You also have to take into account how you react in fight or flight, will you freeze up? What would you do if she says “I’ll call the cops and say you raped me if you don’t do what I want”, which HAS worked before as coersion to rape someone. What if she has a weapon? Your size advantage… Read more »
I very much agree with this article. Catcalling is extraordinarily rude and uncouth. It is something a gentlemen should never do, as it demeans both the target of the catcalling, and the cat caller himself.
Well, I wished you said nothing regarding her clothes. It often misleads to thinking that women deserve those cat-calls when wearing tight or short clothes. We don’t need to know about what anybody wears, respect most come before checking someone’s outfit.
And, while not anybody might mean to actually get what they want, when you keep going on at cat-calling, you somehow let others get what they want. Stop with it already, it’s pandemic.
Where is this happening? I worked in NYC in the construction trade in the 1980’s and it was rampant then. But I haven’t seen a single instance in recent memory. In those days, women had also been known to make remarks at men as well. So let’s not create a tempest in a teapot here.
I see it all.the.time. Happened to me very recently. I guess you missed the part where he talks about how when you’re a woman, it’s not just demeaning, but it’s scary to be street harassed by a man… because you know that man, if he wanted to, could physically overpower you. Until YOU are on the other side of that, please don’t tell people who experience it to “not create a tempest in a teapot.”
Just because you haven’t seen it recently doesn’t mean it still doesn’t happen on a daily basis to many women. Be careful not to diminish someone else’s experience simply because it doesn’t parallel your own – a mistake of the young, and the unwise.
I shared that on my social network. Well put, Andy. Your 20% is in the mail 😉
Though the speakers obviously don’t always mean harm, it seems off to say that given behaviour x doesn’t happen anymore if you’re not a member of the population usually treated to x. I mean, how could the speaker know that? I’ve never been called selfish or child-hater for wanting a career, but I’m also not a woman. I’m not the standard recipient of such crap, so it’d make sense that I’d be less likely to personally witness it. Likewise, I’ve never been followed around a store by a racist security guard, but I’m also roughly the shade of printer paper.… Read more »
It is gross & annoying & I’ve called men on it before, but not always. When I do, they are always shocked, because I know it says, “really, you want to try, because I’m not going down without clawing your eyes out” & they know it.
I don’t think it’s technically accurate or fair to try translate the meaning of ALL cat-calling and argue that, in ALL cases: ‘It’s a a way of saying, “If I really wanted to, I could.”’ That’s a huge leap. I imagine that is a sentiment at work sometimes but not all times and most probably not even the majority of times. I don’t think the specific example cited here is necessarily always an example of that translation either. And it’s not necessarily logically consistent with the corollary either, ie a woman making a suggestive comment to a passing man. But… Read more »
From experience, I have learned that a great deal of this has to do with community and socialization. In my hometown, it was a daily occurrence when I was walking to work or class. In my new town, maybe once per week, if that. It’s good to see this issue being addressed on a global forum.
Bravo. Thank you.
Great piece. It’s SO bizarre. I’m getting older, and therefore getting less and less of this shit, but when I get it I’m always ready to punch someone in the face.
It’s really gross, and I commend you for standing up for all the good men out there and saying, “Stop this shit.”