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As a parent, you want your kids to grow up into healthy, confident adults. Yet it can be tough to know how to promote just the right amount of independence. When is too young for a sleepover? A summer camp experience? A first job? It can be hard to know.
If you’re losing sleep trying to figure out how and when to give your child leeway, you’re not alone. This is a rite of passage that moms and dads everywhere go through. However, you don’t have to go through it alone or without some help.
Below are several safe, proven strategies to encourage independence in your child. Don’t fret, though: Each one allows you to maintain just enough control to serve as a protective “guardrail.”
1. Take baby steps.
No matter what your child says, you don’t have to loosen the reins suddenly. Taking baby steps can help both of you find your limits.
Let’s say your daughter asks to go to the movies with friends. She’s nine and you certainly don’t feel comfortable leaving her there with only her peers. Still, you want her to get the chance to feel a bit “grown up.” Your compromise? You offer to be an adult chaperone for up to five youngsters.
At the theater, you let your daughter and her pals pay for their tickets and buy drinks and snacks. Rather than sitting next to everyone, you sit two rows behind. When the night ends, everyone’s had fun within your parameters.
2. Give kids age-appropriate tech access.
The world has gone digital in a big way. Your child might know more about your laptop or phone than you do. Nevertheless, you don’t have to give in to requests to buy your child a smartphone or tablet.
Tech access needs to be earned. Even if your child requires a computer for school, you have the right to monitor the computer use and history. Gabb Wireless, the maker of kids’ Internet-free phones, recommends putting tech-specific family agreements in place. For instance, you might require that everyone in your house charge their phones during mealtimes. Or you might insist that a child keep all devices in public areas.
Just be ready to enforce any rules you set. Kids are notorious for pushing limits, after all. The sooner they learn that you’re serious, the more serious they’ll be about managing their tech use.
3. Base independent activities on the child, not the child’s age.
Do you have more than one child? Watch out for the temptation to set an age-related limit for a certain activity. Otherwise, you may end up in a difficult position.
For example, say you have three kids. You decide that when a child turns 10, that child can walk the dog around the block. The only problem? Your youngest still isn’t ready for a solo jaunt with the pooch by age 10. So you’re left trying to explain why he can’t do what his siblings could.
Trying to apply a one-size-fits-all onto parenting rarely works. Rather than setting age limits, use other measures to determine a child’s readiness for more independence.
4. Let kids discover their personal clothing styles.
Is your little one starting to push back at the outfits you lay out in the morning? Allow your youngster to express some individuality. During your next shopping excursion, urge your child to tell you what types of outfits are most appealing.
This exercise helps your kiddo create an identity that’s unique and distinct. At the same time, it can be a good way to start talking about budgets if your child is older. There’s nothing wrong with teaching a child about money management from an early age. You might be surprised at how soon your son or daughter can grasp the concept of economic value.
While you’re at it, you may want to bring your child to the laundry to talk about how to wash those clothes! You can make a whole independent learning lesson out of one retail store visit.
5. Hand over some of your regular pet parenting duties.
According to a Mott Poll Report, 69% of families have pets. If your household includes a dog, cat, rabbit, or hamster, you know that the duties never end. You don’t have to shoulder the whole burden of pampering Spot or Fluffy, though. Your kids can share some of the tasks associated with being thoughtful, considerate pet parents.
What types of pet-related chores can the younger set perform? Putting food and water in bowls is fairly straightforward. So is brushing and combing a pet who’s docile and enjoys the experience.
Of course, preteens and teens can do much more. A senior in high school with a driver’s license could take a furry friend to the groomer. Likewise, a middle schooler can help with bathing or training a new puppy. Over time, having a major part in a pet’s care can be extremely meaningful for a child. It can deepen the bond between your kiddo and your family pet as well.
Independence isn’t something you can teach your child in a day, a week, or even a year. It’s a skill that happens slowly over the better half of two decades. You can help develop this important ability by giving your child doses of freedom.
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