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A pat on the shoulder, an “I’m proud of you son,” or other words of motivation resonate and impact you more when they come from your father. The relationship between a father and son remains mired mostly in tension in today’s society. Sons remain reluctant to express their love for their fathers out of fear or an uneasy relationship. In contrast, fathers remain emotionally unavailable to their sons when they require love and connection.
The father-son relationship is one of human history’s most intense yet complicated connections.
Daddy issues
Some fathers tend to give their sons tough-love treatment, primarily due to the trend of toxic masculinity leading to unrealistic expectations amongst men. They are expected to be protectors and tough enough to protect their families in the face of danger. Fathers don’t wish to see their sons ostracized and weak in the world they are born in, and perhaps this promotes the trend of toxic masculinity. They are willing to make silent sacrifices to secure their future, even if these sacrifices may have a dark outcome. Protagonist Jeffery Madison in Lee Brand’s book wishes to uncover the truth about his father’s actions during the Great Depression. He begins a quest to seek the true reason behind his father’s distant nature from his family following his death in a plane crash. To Jeffery’s curiosity, a small part of every son always craves to learn about their father’s upbringing as a child.
Most sons agree that their first superhero was their father. In every mundane task fathers pull off, a son looks up to them with a glimmer of inspiration in their eyes, seeking their approval. What often gets overlooked is that they are also flawed like any other family member.
Superman
Fathers often have to meet the family’s expectations, which usually requires going the extra mile. To bring food to the table, to be strong in the face of turmoil, and ensure a bright future for their family, society has set strict standards of what a father needs to achieve. Amidst the responsibilities, what gets overlooked is that these “superheroes” have their moments of weakness. They also need someone to console them when they fold under pressure. With these expectations, fathers often resort to desperate measures to make sure their sons aren’t let down and maintain the image they have of them in their heads. In Lee Brand’s book, Jeffery Madison also ponders over the pain and dangers his grandfather faced while struggling in tumultuous copper and lead mines in Oklahoma and Montana. Some fathers give in to the pressure of doing whatever they can to support their families, whereas others give it their all to safeguard their family’s prosperity.
Son-ny side up
Sons often find themselves having their father’s expectations projected onto them. They are introduced to being a part of a culture fueled by primal notions of “alpha-male” leadership. They are expected not to cry when faced with adversity and to remain undemanding when they need their fathers’ affection. Sons find themselves conflicted between addressing their emotions of anxiety, sadness, and depression and trying to live up to their father’s expectations. This creates a group of men feeling neglected and emotionally drained but with no one to turn to. Sons keep their love for their fathers repressed, for expressing love between fathers and sons is not customary in today’s society.
Here is where the distance comes in.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder
If you are reading this and are a son or father, ponder upon the last time you embraced. The notions mentioned in this article create distance and convolution between a father and a son. Life is too short, and you never know when this distance can grow eternal. Jeffrey commenced his pursuit to uncover his father after his unexpected death… when it was too late. This only led to feelings of regret and what could-be in your life. A healthy father-son relationship should be nurturing and forgiving. The innate expectations between the two will remain, but what can mend these bonds is the love that gets suppressed.
Let’s normalize love and create a better future for our sons and fathers. Inspired by actual events, Lee Brand’s book Discovering the Family I Never Knew is an exciting journey that sheds light on the complex relationship between a father and son through the protagonist’s eyes, who suffered a troubled childhood with an unavailable father. Witness Jeffrey Madison exploring his family’s history, which reveals the powerful generational connections in his family and highlights the value of family and friendship in our daily lives.
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This content is brought to you by Shahbaz Ahmed
Photo provided by the author with written permission from the owner Lee Brand