School dances, MMA chicks, the Grammy show & manscaping.
There are a ton of things floating around in my brain right now and I want to write about all of them. The trouble is, there’s not enough of each topic to make up a whole blog post. So I decided to throw down some of these random thought for you to consider. Feel free to elaborate on them if you like and as always, comments are appreciated!
It was the night I’ve been dreading for weeks. Drama Queen’s first “big” school dance and the only one she’s ever been interested in attending. I blogged about it a few weeks ago and mentioned that it was going to be tough to swing, but I would find a way to do it.
The dance was a success and I need to make sure I think Angela, The Muse and Baby Mama for helping out. I also want to thank the others who offered to help. When I blogged about it, I wasn’t looking for people to help, but they did and I’m grateful.
Angela tweeted me right away to say she had a Kohl’s gift card she wanted to send to help pay for the dress. Baby Mama sent a few bucks which took care of shoes, haircut and a purse. The Muse let Drama Queen borrow some Tiffany pearls which belonged to her grandmother. They were very old and very cool. I appreciate what you all did and what you offered to do.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 9 PM on Saturday night and told me he was getting the StrikeForce fight at 10 and invited me over. Between this series and UFC, he invites me over for MMA a couple of times a month. It’s fun and a good opportunity to watch people beat the shit out of other people.
A couple of weeks ago some dude with the last name Cyborg was fighting. They showed his wife in the crowd and holy shit did she look like a dude! Except for the fake tits. Basically, she looks like a dude with fake cans. She seemed kind of stupid too. That may not be a totally fair statement, since all she did was sit in a chair and make a #1 sign with her fingers.
What was it that made me think she’s an idiot? The tattoo. Who the fuck gets their name inked on their forearm? My guess is she did it in case she forgot who she was. I’m sorry, but that tat is just stupid.
My neighbor told me she’s a MMA fighter and that she just had beaten some really cute chick. I laughed it off, thinking there could be no such thing as a cute chick who does MMA professionally.
Fast forward a couple of weeks to this past Saturday night and they show some cute chick in the audience. The announcer says her name is Gina Carano and that she’s getting back into the ring for the first time after losing to Cris Cyborg.
Holy Crap, Batman! She’s pretty decent! She could beat the shit out of me with only one hand and limited access to her feet, but she’s pretty damn cute. I guess not all female MMA fighters are dude-esque. Cool.
The Grammy Awards
First off, when did this become a concert instead of an awards show? About 12 minutes in, someone introduced someone else and said they had won an award tonight. How the hell did I miss that? It turns out, they did more of the awards earlier in the day and now this was the big party. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Drama Queen and I watched it until 10, then set the last 90 minutes to record. We’ll probably watch it tonight or tomorrow.
I lost a lot of respect for Usher last night and its because of that little douche Justin Bieber. I thought Bieber was some probably-homosexual-assclown that ended up with a record contract. Last night I found out that Usher helped “discover” him in an Atlanta parking lot. I’m gonna pause a moment and allow the potential implications of that last sentence to fully sink in.
A bit later in the show I sent the following tweet:
Elton John got fat. And black. #Grammy
I was, of course, referring to Cee-Lo and his outfit that was so hideous even Sir Elton John would have asked him, “WTF?” If it was just his outfit, it would have been one thing, but then Gwyneth came on stage. Yes. I mean “that” Gwyneth. My favorite “working” mom, Gwyneth Paltrow.
For years I’ve known that Gwyneth is flat. There’s no shame in that. God gave her a lot of acting talent, but shorted her in the breast department. To a blind person, she would be one of the brothers in Hanson. If it bothered her, she could go buy some, but she’s happy with who she is and that’s cool. I’m just saying that she has very little boobs.
That being said, why the hell does she think its a good idea to wear a shirt opened to the navel? This morning The Muse was telling me she and a friend were texting during the show last night and they wanted to know where her belly button was. They thought it was missing. I wasn’t paying that much attention. I was too busy checking out the peacock playing the piano.
Memo to Gwyneth’s wardrobe people: She should never wear a v-neck. N.E.V.E.R.
My good friend Jennie, A.K.A. Nucking Futs Mama, tweeted today that on Valentines Day, women should shave their legs. I responded, saying that I appreciated her comment and that I think dudes should do their part by doing some trimming of their own.
Guys–if you don’t like getting a mouthful of hair, do you think she does? I’ve heard it called “manscaping” and I’m not sure I’m ready to use that term, but I’m not ashamed to admit that I take care of my junk. It’s just polite, ya know?
Chicks take care of their business. They either mow the lawn or get hardwood floors. It’s fashionable for a woman to leave a landing strip (In case the guy can’t figure it out). Some go as far as to get tattoos and vajazzle.
I’m not saying women have to go that far. I’m just saying that to have it all neat and tidy is a good thing. As guys, we should be giving the ladies the same courtesy.