As women and men, we bring a series of beliefs that without realizing it, keep us from finding a partner.
The main reasons you do not find a partner in your life are:
1. You don’t really want to open your heart
Most of us have had our hearts hurt in our lives, and perhaps not just once, but several times. And then, we have related that loving is equal to suffering and that the other has the power to hurt us.
We get in a certain way “hatched” and then, you will get away from the possibility of getting hurt again.
That is why when you see that a relationship is getting “serious” or rather, that you already felt something for someone, you walk away… or you do not allow yourself to be opened, you do not approach in On an emotional level, you don’t let yourself be seen as vulnerable as it is, Because… “What if it hurts me?”
Solution:
The other has the power to hurt you because you give it to him. If you really want to not be hurt, you need to increase your self-esteem, know that your happiness does not depend on the other, stop having codependent relationships and take control of your own feelings.
A breakup can hurt, but you don’t have to suffer or it may be the end of the world.
2. There is no space in your life
Sure, you want a partner, but you live it working and in your routine world in which on weekends you just want to watch TV, and when you go out, you go to the wrong places……
If there is no space in your time and in your life, on your agenda, to meet someone and dedicate time to them, that person simply will not arrive. It’s like when you give away clothes from your closet and magically the next day you get a new one.
You need to open the space so that it can be filled (the same happens with money but that is another matter).
Solution:
Organize your schedule in such a way that you have free time, whether at the moment you use it to be with yourself, with your friends or family…
you will be creating the conditions for someone else to come into your life.
3. You’re looking for her Or Him for the wrong reasons
If you are looking for a partner to give you a child, to save you from your suffering, so that you have an excuse to leave your parents’ house, so that you go along with your friends, to stop feeling bored, not to feel lonely or alone…
I have news for you, maybe people will come into your life but they will hardly stay, you will get hurt and you will lose your heart again.
The idea of having a partner in your life is growing from the relationship, sharing who you are with someone else, but the moment you give the other person the responsibility to save you, entertain you, accompany you…
The relationship will begin with the left foot, or else, you will simply chase people out of your life because… who wants a huge bundle?
Solution:
Redefine what you want a partner for, change your belief about what it is to have a partner, and open yourself to new relationships from a freer and more open framework, without demands and without expectations of “what you have to give me”, but just be open to living the experience because you want to live the experience.
4. You have beliefs in your mind that keep you from away love
Here comes the interesting part. Throughout your life, based on your experiences and what you observe around you, you have developed well-rooted, wrong beliefs you seek to verify repeatedly in your present. These beliefs are:
- I don’t deserve to be loved
- men reject me
- I am not pretty or attractive
- I have bad luck in love
- I must have something wrong that keeps men from my life
- love Hurts
- The one I like, he doesn’t like me
- who likes me, I don’t like
- if they really know me, they walk away
- it is unbearable that they reject me
So, if you have any or many of these beliefs, you are going to act in such a way that you are going to confirm that what you believe is true.
Why do you think your mind does not care to be happy, it cares to be right?
Solution:
Choose what you want to believe in, simply choose the beliefs that make you happy, if you want to believe that love hurts, it will continue to hurt…
If you want to believe that love enriches you, it will enrich you, if you want to believe that no one will listen to you, it will better believe that you have everything for others to notice you and so it will be.
But you need to really believe it, half … it doesn’t work.
5. You’re sending and getting the wrong signals
Suppose you want a partner with whom to watch movies on Sunday and share your life and be happy, but you want to find her quickly, in a bar and with 6 tequilas on top.
Sometimes without realizing it, the signals you send show the opposite of what you want, and also, you look at people who do not really have the same interest as you.
And this is because you misinterpret their signals because you get excited because they turn to look at you, well, of course, deep down you do not believe that you are attractive enough for anyone to look at you.
Some behaviours that show that you are sending the wrong signals are:
- you like the “louts”
- you fall in love quick
- you isolate yourself from men or are you on the defensive
- when it gets serious, you run away
- you behave strangely or you do not flow as you are with the one you like
- you get too excited when the gallant turns to see you
- you want it to meet your list of requirements from the beginning, and if it does not meet them, you reject it
- you live either with a totally open or totally closed heart
- You feel that because it attracts you physically, you already like it on another level
- When you start a relationship, you activate codependency and become obsessed with the other
By having these behaviours, without realizing it, you yourself are generating in yourself a reality in which love seems unattainable.
Solution:
Once you have reviewed your beliefs, and that you will trust that love exists and that you deserve it in your life, then start changing the signals you send and allow yourself to meet other people for whom you really are, beyond the signals they send.
6. You have loyalties to other people
I constantly see beautiful and beautiful women and men, with enormous hearts, with so much love to give… but dedicated to giving to the wrong people. And they give it without realizing it, they even give it to people who perhaps no longer exist in their life or who are not just a partner or ex-partner.
By this, I mean that many times as children, we prefer to stay and take care of our parents than to make our own lives, or we want to comply with the family’s “unspoken” agreement that you will remain single and single, or you will not You dare to have a partner because you will not disappoint your parents with your choice, or you simply remain focused on solving your family’s issues than on creating yours.
We have loyalties within us, with something or someone from our past, that does not allow us to walk and move towards where we want to walk.
Solution:
You need to trust that the decisions that your loved ones or your ex-partners make have been the best they could do thank them for everything they have given and taught you, trust that they can take their lives and dedicate you to live yours.
7. You have not learned to be with you
I love this last reason because we want to be happy with someone else, but we have not learned to be happy with ourselves. We are intolerant of loneliness and we think we need someone else to be happy.
With this, the only thing we can do is drive others out of our lives and remain unhappy in solitude.
Imagine, if learning to be with yourself is already a significant task, now add to it learning to be with someone else, who also does not know how to be with himself. Obviously, this boils down to conflict, separation or divorce.
Solution:
I recommend you fall in love with yourself, that you do with yourself what you would like to do with a partner, (invite yourself out, give yourself details, talk nice, give yourself compliments, send yourself a kiss, enjoy your time and your company, face your shadows and your monsters, dialogue and negotiate with you, live alone…)
And in this way, without realizing it, when you stop looking and being satisfied with your own company, you will find many more options to have a partner than you imagined, until with one you will have the connection for something else.
…
Conclusion
Either you decide to become a nun or priest, or you accept that you really do want to find a partner.
But to find her, and learn to be happy by her side, you definitely need to fall in love with yourself and be happy with you, now, do not pretend that you will be 100% ready and then the partner will arrive, this can also be achieved while you are in a partner, but I do recommend that you start with that idea: to put an order in your life, say goodbye to loyalties, enjoy yourself, save yourself, and then yes, open yourself to know someone else, aware of the stages, opening your heart no expectations.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
—
Photo credit: Jason Leung on Unsplash
Well unfortunately for many of us single guys trying to meet a woman which is very difficult right now for us because of the very big change in the women today, compared to the old days when most women were very old fashioned, real ladies, and very easy to meet just like our family members did. Today just too many narcissists and feminists women everywhere nowadays making the dating scene a real nightmare for many of us very serious single guys still looking. Not our fault at all.