Divorce is a painful end to what usually starts out as a beautiful relationship. Whatever the cause of a divorce, it takes its toll on the self-esteem and emotional health of both partners. When a deep investment of emotions, love, and care is lost at the end of a relationship, that loss can shatter the personality and trust of both parties.
Women, in particular, are more vulnerable in this regard. Whether they suffered mental or physical torture, or betrayal and infidelity, the emotional wear and tear may result in lifelong damage to their whole self.
Entering into a new relationship is never an easy decision for a divorced woman. And if she has kids, the idea of remarrying can seem even more daunting. This is because of the fear and loss of trust resulting from the former relationship. And entering into a new relationship with a woman who has experienced loss of fear and trust brings more challenge and responsibility to the man who is truly in love with a divorced woman.
If you are a man with feelings for a woman in this position, don’t rush her. Earning her trust will take time, understanding, and patience. Here are some important things to know before you start dating a divorced woman:
1. Understand her needs—and yours, too
A woman with a broken relationship has an entirely different set of needs from the rest. She has undergone rejection, failure, and isolation, which ultimately have altered her perception towards life and people. Her self-esteem has been tested, and now she needs some time and space to overcome the trauma. Resentment can linger, but with the support and care of loved ones, she can grow from the experience and become a better individual as a result.
As a newcomer in her life, try to understand how she now thinks about herself, kids, and a potential second marriage. You must be well aware of your own needs, too. This is important because you are the one who will help her step out of the past. Think twice if you expect immediate intimacy with her. Be open-minded and honest to make things easy for her. Don’t ask her out if you do not have the patience to deal with all the issues that come along with dating a divorced woman. Rather than being judgmental, be respectful. Since her children are her priority, she may no longer desire to indulge herself in other relationships. In such a case, it’s better to be a caring friend who understands all her needs. She deserves that much.
2. Accept her changed self
The hardships she has experienced might have resulted in a tough, independent, and straightforward woman who’s successful in courageously confronting the aftermaths of divorce. Appreciate her efforts and focus on the positive attributes of her personality. She might be apprehensive towards a new relationship or marriage, but your sincerity and persistence over time might help her become more comfortable with the idea of dating again.
3. Be supportive of her career
This new woman you’re dating has probably been working to make her living. Appreciate and celebrate her achievements in order to show her that you care for her. Before you start dating her, you both must be on the same page regarding her career. Don’t compel her to quit her job just for the sake of being a homemaker. Rather, compliment her independent and self-sufficient personality with an open heart and mind.
4. Accept her children and responsibilities
Realize the fact that you are dating a woman who is a mother, first and foremost. Try not to be possessive but instead, understand her responsibility towards children. Remember, your acceptance in her life is subject to your sincerity towards her children, too. Show her your genuine concern for them. Avoid commenting negatively about her ex-spouse, as the divorce might be a sensitive trigger for the children.
5. Express love, not sympathy
True love is always the best therapy. But the way you express your love matters the most. Be respectful of her feelings and thoughts. She needs your love, not sympathy. Honest communication is the key to a devoted relationship. Listen to her needs, complaints, and problems. Your willingness to understand her issues helps build trust, which is very important for both of you. Let her pour her heart out in front of you. The more she vents her fear and anxiety, the better she’ll feel towards life and people.
6. Be Lively
Life is tough for a divorced woman. So you must be lively just to lighten up her mood. Remember, you’re the one who can make her life easygoing and lovable again. Cracking a funny joke or smiling at her can make her laugh and feel good when you’re around. A cheerful attitude of your own can help her learn to tackle life in a more positive way.
7. Don’t play games
Your sincerity counts more than anything else. Don’t initiate a relationship if you are not serious about anything long-term. Starting a new relationship means a lot to a divorced woman. She has already suffered the agony of heartbreak once. Realize the fact that if she’s dating you it means she’s counting on you. Don’t play with her emotions. She wants nothing but your sincerity and commitment.
Your intention to date a divorced woman demands care and sincerity. A divorced woman can prove to be a better life partner, as she understands the value of this relationship more than anybody else. But it does require your devotion and love, to make her not only feel special but start loving life again!
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project, please join like-minded individuals in The Good Men Project Premium Community.
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
The Good Men Project is an Amazon.com affiliate. If you shop via THIS LINK, we will get a small commission and you will be supporting our Mission while still getting the quality products you would have purchased, anyway! Thank you for your continued support!
Photo credit: Getty Images