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Relationships are hard work. Once you move past the initial flurry of attraction and move into the ‘nesting’ phase, it is not uncommon for couples to lose sight of what brought them together in the first place. You both stop trying and the romance fades faster than the sun tan from your holiday in Ibiza.
Of course, you may conclude that because the spark has gone, there is nothing worth fighting for. And you may be right, but if there is a smidgeon of love there, do you really want to walk away from the person you made a commitment to?
Why Relationships Fail
Relationships end for a multitude of reasons. Some people cheat, others fritter away everything in the joint bank account. Being with the right person helps. Whether you go looking for Ms. Right on Tinder or use Numerology to determine whether a date has long-term potential, it is important that you share the same values and behave in a kind, compassionate way.
Unless you are kind to each other, your relationship will not survive life’s problems. However, not everyone has the emotional intelligence and communication skills to work through problems as and when they arise. This is where relationship counselling can come in handy.
Are you a candidate for relationship counselling? Well, that depends.
Research has shown that most couples stick it out for six years before seeking help from a therapist. Six years is a lot of pain and misery and after this amount of time, you could be on a road to nowhere.
It Takes Two to Tango
For relationship counselling to work, you both need to be committed to repairing your relationship. Going along to see a therapist when you have one foot out the door and you’re in the midst of a passionate love affair, is a recipe for disaster. An experienced therapist will soon conclude the relationship is beyond help and suggest you save your money.
Learn Essential Relationship Skills
If you both want to make the relationship work, a therapist can help you talk about issues in a safe space and give you the toolkit you need to resolve future problems.
In many cases, relationship problems are caused by a lack of communication. Just because you never argue doesn’t mean you are safe. Arguments help us resolve problems and air any grievances we have. It’s far better to argue over who’s turn it is to wash up than allow resentment to fester for months.
Being honest about your transgressions is also very important. Hiding issues from a relationship therapist means the therapist doesn’t have the full picture and, therefore, can’t help you. So, if you are jealous of your wife’s male best friend, be honest about it.
Relationship counselling will only work if you are both committed and willing to work hard at repairing your relationship. Make no mistake, it won’t be easy admitting your inner-most anxieties in front of your partner and a therapist, but most problems can be solved by talking it through.
If you are having problems, try relationship counselling and work out your issues in a safe, inclusive environment. It could just save the day.
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Photo credit: Getty Images