A college boy wonders how to navigate a crowded club and move in for the kill—or just the grind.
Dear Sexes: I’m a single male college student, and I went out to a popular club last night. I’m good at dancing, but only on my own—crazy dance moves or just feeling the vibe and grooving—but what about when the club becomes crowded there’s only really room for grinding? I’m enjoy grinding, but I rarely figure out how to approach girls in this situation. I’ve tried introducing myself, or just catching an eye and making a move, but most seem reluctant (or have boyfriends). Do you have any tips for this?
She Said: I wish I could be encouraging about this grinding-strangers-in-public thing, but quite honestly, I’ve never been much for seeing someone across a room and then having their sausage jammed against my flesh in a matter of moments. It’s cool for the people who are into it, but I’d like to know a guy (or at least his name!) before I determine the specs of his equipment.
That being said, I think it’s awesome that you’re sensing reluctance and respecting that—you don’t realize how many guys don’t sense it and just keep pushing. That’s off-putting and disrespectful.
I think you should take this discomfort with the whole silly ritual and turn it into a conversation starter for women (like me) who seem less interested in sweating on one another and more into face-to-face conversation. Make a joke about it, be honest and open. Women love and respect openness, and you may end up with something way better than an anonymous sausage grind.
He Said: Chivalry has (almost) no place in a crowded club. Everyone’s there to dance. Some are there to get others to buy them drinks. No one is there for conversation. So … you don’t need to go out of your way to be a perfect gentleman (in this setting). But you also shouldn’t be a classless caveman.
Crowded club grinding starts with good eye contact. Use your eyes to signal the girl you’re interested in. Don’t leer! A couple quick to medium-length glances (and maybe a lil’ smile) will do. If she’s interested, she’ll smile and/or look back. If she’s interested, but doesn’t want you to get ahead of yourself, she’ll smile, half-look at you, and continue dancing with her girl friends. After eye contact is established, you’re ready to try your next move: dance on over to her. While you’re dancing her way, pay attention to her reaction (again). If she turns her back and barricades herself with her friends, set your sights on someone else. If she holds her ground, and gives you the half-look and smile combo, approach cautiously. Now you’re ready for some dancing … together!
For starters, keep your hands (and hips) to yourself. She’ll let you know, in numerous womanly ways, if she wants you to dance closer. If and when that happens, move in for the grind! Happy dancing!
Just remember, dancing is dancing. It’s not sex, and it doesn’t mean it will lead to sex either. Don’t assume anything. Also, be observant. Grinding is different from groping. Grinding is hardcore dancing, with all participants interested. Groping is something different, and in general, something you should steer clear of. And lastly, you should take notice of your surroundings before you start any dancing courtship. That hulking mass of muscle standing next to your dancing crush may just be there because it’s crowded and there’s nowhere else to stand. Or he may be there because he’s the protective friend, boyfriend, or husband. Be observant, and try your best to know the situation, before you make any moves.
If you want a more comical approach (though still instructional) to grinding etiquette, check out this video.
P.S. If it seems like my response could be describing a wild animal interaction from the Discovery Channel, you’re right. It’s a jungle out there (in the human world), and nowhere more so than a crowded club! Dance well, be careful, and good luck!
If you have a question for Josie and Eli, ask it here.
Originally appeared at SheSaidHeSaid.