A few weeks ago during my 5-week training for becoming really awesome at sharing epic things with women about sexuality and femininity, I had a heart meltdown.
After 4 weeks of practically not seeing Simon at all, he and other men were invited into our space to attend a beautiful tantric ceremony with us women. We got to work together and disappear in each other’s eyes, energy, and love. Afterward, we had dinner – we laughed and kissed. Once more Simon and I rose in love again.
When the night said that it was time, I felt this little hard part in my chest. It said: Don’t go with him. Stay here.
So I stayed and kissed him good night. He went without questioning, without moaning or trying to manipulate. He just left with the most loving eyes, the deepest care and devotion.
The tears didn’t come until the next morning.
When I woke up, yet again alone in my bed, suddenly asking: WHY? Why did I not spend this beautiful end of the night with him? Here I am, working with my pleasure, heightening my senses and exploring my sexuality and I simply tossed aside the one grand opportunity for intimacy with the man that I love so much…?
It hit me like a ray of sun that burned through my high walls of defense… A very tiny, tender part of me that never dared to say no in its life, because it only experienced and then continued to fear punishment, rejection, and judgment, finally was allowed to come out. Simon’s deep, infinite love and total surrender to my choice, his nonquestioning and simple acceptance was what I needed to crack open to LOVE. I had no idea that was in there.
Standing in the light of his halo.
THANK YOU Simon for loving me with every hair and inch, particle and wave, truth and pain, strength and weakness. My heart beats infinitely in yours! I am looking forward to breaking open with you many more times.
Enjoy my rendition of Rhiannon’s song “HALO”. If I could have bottled up what was happening to me on that very morning, it would be in this song…
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Photo credit: Dara and Simon