I’ve been in a relationship for 2 and a half years but unlike my expectations, that doesn’t guarantee a romantic bond.
So this year, such as the years before — even in my older relationships — I’m spending valentine’s day on my own.
Lately, I’ve been going through a lot of mental problems. I can say there’s absolutely no mental condition I didn’t suffer from. it was just a couple of days ago that I finally managed to clean my house after a month… there’s no way I’d like to share what a mess I was living, and that was way less than how I felt inside.
I’m going through a lot of these for the wrong choices I made or the decisions I had to make having no other choice. This is enough suffocating for a depressed person to suffer from for the rest of her life, and so did I.
This year, I tried to change many things in my life and be the one in charge. in terms of relationships, I’ve become more independent and sophisticated. I’m on a healing journey to get back to the happy energetic and strong girl that I was in my early 20s. I want to feel the same courage again.
So I’ve decided to celebrate valentine’s day this year, honoring my achievements so far.
I’ve been through a lot on my own, I lost my beloved grandma and my best friend, I had a breakup after 5 years of relationship and nearly reached another breakup too, I’ve been on a financial rollercoaster and in the meantime, dealing with my severe chest infection along with my mental illness that was fluctuating every now and then.
I can say I’ve overcome these incidents well. I didn’t let myself get worse even if I sacrificed some more tears. I never lost my faith and determination to get better, even in the most painful times.
I think I deserve a self-congratulatory event for myself after all. in the past, I’ve had “different” experiences of valentines day as I, and my high school friends used to gift each other whether we were single or not.
I really liked the gesture back then but this year, I’m going to do this all for myself to honor the wiser, stronger, and healthier woman I’ve become.
My valentine’s eve will be nothing more than my favorite meal “fish and chips” with some chocolate and fruity snacks served in the candlelight. but I’m planning to take advantage of the silence and loneliness to focus on myself a bit better.
I’m going to do a lot of self-reflection moments to both identify what I’ve reached and what I can do better, both for creating a better future for myself so I won’t have to suffer again.
That’s how I’d like to celebrate my valentine’s day because I’ve learned how I deserve to be loved by myself before anybody else does; a lesson that I wish my parents taught me earlier.
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Originally published on Medium.
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
