Feeling frustrated with dating? Are you bored, and see dating more as “rigmarole” than tons of fun? If you are disenchanted with the process of dating—it’s time to recalibrate your mojo.
Don’t be like Ava, a client of mine who got “date rage” whenever things went “too slow” for her. Remember dating is a p r o c e s s with a beginning, middle, and end. It cannot be rushed. There is the beginning—step one: You meet someone and decide if you want to know this person better. Step one itself takes time and requires patience. Below there are mojo-tips that will aid you in getting this part right and having fun with it. Next is the middle—step two: You experience someone over time. Again, this requires a commitment to letting things unfold and it can’t be rushed. And then the end. The pay-off. Step three: You get the relationship you want and need. Yes, the one you dreamed of!
Here are the 10 mojo-resetting tips to help you get your groove back:
1.- Check your self-talk.
To be in the right head space to date “well”—meaning it’s fun, comfortable, and has positive results—you need to work on loving and appreciating yourself. If you see how loveable and awesome you are, it will make it apparent to everyone. Is your inner voice bombarding you with negative and disparaging thoughts or is it playing the record of “I am awesome?” For more about how our thoughts affect our personal outcomes, look at my blog on reframing
2.- Revisit your relationship goals.
Keep your eye on the prize. Be intentional and aware of your choices and actions, because they either get you closer to what you actually want, or they don’t. Wheel spinning is not a good use of your beautiful, valuable time, but directed action
3.- Get centered.
This could mean meditate, visualize, do yoga…whatever works for you to tap into your brilliance and open yourself to receive love.
4.- Lift yourself up.
How? One way is to surround yourself with people who raise your energy. The friends who make you laugh and smile? Yes. The ones who bring you down, complain, suck the life out of you? Not so much. Also, spend time in places that energize you while allowing you to feel centered, calm, and focused.
Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated. Get a massage, take a mini-vaca, do the self-care thing. Disclaimer: by indulge, I don’t mean eat Cheez-Its by the tub-full and lose sleep over the next season of Game of Thrones. When I say treat yourself… I mean treat yourself well J.
6.- Let go of the outcome.
It is so easy to get a death grip on the hoped-for outcome so that nothing is allowed to just… happen. You cannot force an end result. Better idea: see where your path is taking you and focus on the connections not the outcome. Instead of every date being an audition for your new spouse notice how you feel at that moment, with that person. Breathe and smile and see where it takes you….
7.- Refresh your online dating presence.
On a practical note, let’s talk about getting some skin back in the game. Check out new dating sites—maybe there’s a better fit for you out there? Or just give your current profile a face-lift. Take new photos or add juicy details to your info. You can even get help from a friend—two heads are better than one! Go for it.
Do not ever underestimate the power of flirting. It’s fun, it’s non-committal, but it conveys much. For some super-helpful tips on how to flirt, check this out.
9.- Join, do, go, try.
Get out of the house! Join a wine tasting, hiking, or book club. Go out and sign up for charitable work—Habitat for Humanity, the local soup kitchen. You’ll be around other wonderful people and you’ll feel so good. Or just try something new by taking lessons—cooking, skydiving, skiing, web-design, whatever! The more active you are: 1. The happier and more engaged and lively you will be in your life and 2. The better chance you’ll have of meeting someone you mesh with!
10.- Project the energy you want to receive.
Have you noticed how contagious a person’s energy is? We all know people who bum us out, but much more memorable are those who just make us smile and feel great by being around them. They have a positive vibration. Be that person. You become a magnet and attract the just-right dates for you.
There. Ten things to try… one at a time. Be patient and invested and the excitement will return to you, I promise. Juice up that dating mojo and get out there and have fun!
Originally Published on Betty Russell
Photo: Getty Images