It’s that time of year again when it’s easy to get triggered! Not only do you have the pressures of preparations and purchases to deal with, but there’s also the whole family and friend get-together thing going on.
Bringing together different egos at different stages of awareness isn’t always a recipe for success. Especially when there’s money, alcohol or differing beliefs involved. Rifts can be heightened and played out publicly. Yet equally, it’s a perfect opportunity to heal those rifts by setting clear boundaries and avoiding acting on your personal triggers.
Saying yes to invitations when you really want to say no, leads to feelings of resentment – on both sides. Making commitments that you don’t know if you can uphold, makes you appear and feel, unreliable.
Choose how you engage with others
You can actually choose the activities you’re going to engage in. Yes, even if you have family commitments. It’s called family for a reason. That means they’re hard wired to still love you even if you make decisions that don’t automatically appease them. If you don’t have a loving family, then it’s an even more appropriate time to practice self care.
You can show your commitment, take responsibility and show how much you care without over stretching yourself. Similarly, you don’t need to put pressure on anyone else to over-give, just to prove how committed they are to you!
As in: “Prove how much you love me by giving more than you have to give.” Be balanced in your expression, if you want to encourage balance in another.
When you know your core values and honour them, you’ll naturally feel more balanced. You will also find it easier to extend more compassion towards others whose values differ from yours. Setting clear boundaries and actively engaging in self care, lessens the potential for conflict.
If you’re buying gifts it’s important to be honest about what you can and can’t afford. And if the amount of money you’re spending isn’t the issue, then make sure you’re not just buying gifts as a way to avoid deeper conversations.
For example: “I bought you this gift, now just leave me alone!” You might be surprised at how often gift giving is used as a means to avoid uncomfortable conversations.
Speak your truth with love
Being honest and setting healthy boundaries, is a self-loving act, so be willing to share your truth this season without guilt or resentment. If you share that truth with the energy of self acceptance that energy will be felt. If you’re beating yourself up and feeling guilty about what you’re saying, that’s the energy the other person/s, will feel.
Ignoring your truth might feel good in the moment, you may avoid an argument for example. But burying any important dialogue will come back and bite you in the butt at some other time. It’s an act of deliberate avoidance. It signals that you feel you don’t have the right to express your truth.
When you know that you’re innately worthy of compassion, then you know that you’re innately worthy of expressing your truth. That truth telling can be done with love, kindness and understanding. Whomever you’re speaking with doesn’t need to feel like they’re being verbally attacked.
If you are already riled up, it’s fine, if not good protocol, to delay a conversation until you feel more balanced. But make sure you don’t put off those difficult conversations indefinitely.
Know why you’re feeling triggered
You may want to use that interim period to set aside time to go within and see what’s really at the root of your triggering. In this way you can bring more balance to any potentially difficult dialogues.
Just remember that this season has the potential to bring out the best and worst in you and others. Know yourself, know your triggers and act accordingly.
You may also like, by Yve Anmore:
What’s Next at The Good Men Project? Talk with others. Improve your relationships. Join our Love, Sex, Etc. Social Interest Group.
RSVP for Love Sex Etc. Calls
Join the Sex, Love Etc. FACEBOOK GROUP here.
We think you’ll like our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join now!
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.
Register New Account
Please note: If you are already a writer/contributor at The Good Men Project, log in here before registering. (Request new password if needed).
ANNUAL PLATINUM membership ($50 per year) includes:
1. AN ALL ACCESS PASS — Join ANY and ALL of our weekly calls, Social Interest Groups, classes, workshops and private Facebook groups. We have at least one group phone call or online class every day of the week.
2. See the website with no ads when logged in!
3. MEMBER commenting badge.
ANNUAL GOLD membership ($25 per year) includes all the benefits above — but only ONE Weekly Social Interest Group and ONE class.
ANNUAL BRONZE membership ($12 per year) is great if you are not ready to join the full conversation but want to support our mission anyway. You’ll still get a BRONZE commenting badge, and you can pop into any of our weekly Friday Calls with the Publisher when you have time (Friday calls only). This is for people who believe—like we do—that this conversation about men and changing roles and goodness in the 21st century is one of the most important conversations you can have today.
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.