When we find ourselves in a heated situation where we feel like we need to defend ourselves, we tend to react instead of respond. When we react, we lose our power, we usually get into a more heated argument, and the solution is not found. When we react, we tend to not think before we speak, we operate from prehistoric thoughts and subconscious beliefs, the response is immediate, it’s not well thought out, and usually leads to a more heated argument with little positive results. When I use the words “prehistoric thoughts,” I mean deep-seated personal thoughts, long-standing feelings, and personal beliefs that we were taught or learned when we were young, These usually fuel the reaction.
In these situations manipulation and gaslighting become commonplace. That means that the other person can manipulate you and shine a light on your reaction, making you the problem and the person who is out of control that needs help. When we react, we give the other person more power, if they are saying you’re a “bad” person, a liar, etc., when you react you are giving credit to what they are saying. They can then create a reality in their mind based on your response. Example: If someone does you wrong and you react, they feel OK with what they did based on your anger. Then the other person is able to put the blame on you and make themselves feel good about the “lie” they told themself about you. By reacting you are validating their false narrative. When we react we give credence to the other person’s false narrative about how they are the victim or mistreated. Many manipulators play this game with everyone they know, validating their false narrative so they don’t need to change or work on themself and everyone else is the problem.
If you want to break that cycle of manipulation and reaction you can learn more HERE.
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