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There is this huge national conversation happening right now, giving women the platform to state why they did not report their sexual assault. All of those reasons are completely valid and things that crossed my mind when I was forcefully initiated into my #MeToo status. I cannot join in on the conversation of #whyIdidntreport because I did report.
During my junior year of college, while employed as a night dispatcher at the on-campus police department, I was sexually assaulted during my shift.
I reported my sexual assault to a police officer — a friend and a colleague. Someone who had let me babysit his kid. Someone whose wife had helped me struggle my way through my math class. Someone I trusted.
I did not wait long. Not a day, not a week, not a month. I waited until I was able to leave the situation, mere hours later. Sitting in the parking lot, sobbing into the phone.
I reported because, at the time, I trusted the police officers I worked with to do the right thing.
Because I thought it was the right thing to do.
Because he too worked at the campus police department.
Because his job was to be the person who showed up for safe walks and rides across campus.
Because I never wanted him to be able to do it to anyone else ever again.
Because I knew he had the opportunity to do so again.
Because he knew where I lived.
Because I was terrified.
Because I feared he would try again.
Because I could not feel safe at work.
Because I could not feel safe on campus.
There is no happy ending here though. Reporting does not fix the system rigged against survivors. Reporting does not make people believe you. Reporting did nothing for me.
I lost my job. He kept his.
I lost my sanity, diagnosed with PTSD. He said that I had been drinking prior to my shift.
I lost the ability to sleep, instead curled on the couch facing the door next to a hockey stick with the TV on. He claimed it was a misunderstanding.
I lost my sense of security. He passed me in the halls, in parking lots, everywhere.
I lost my ability to trust everyone, especially law enforcement. He went on to become a police officer.
Suddenly, my statistic became another reason in the long list of reasons of #whyIdidntreport. There are plenty of reasons to and to not report. Regardless, it is a very hard decision and a very personal one. Either way, know that I support your decision and I believe you.
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