Sexy Typewriter lives in my building! She is a freelance writer and national sex columnist. Sexy Typewriter is not her real name. You can visit her blog here. Conveniently enough, the blog is also called Sexy Typewriter.
- Videogames do not qualify as foreplay.
- If I like your sibling better than I like you, this probably isn’t going to go anywhere.
- When I ask you to go down on me, “not tonight” is the wrong answer.
- If you wish to slap a lady across her bare ass during coitus, it is not unreasonable to ask permission first.
- I don’t care how much you love your mother; being compared to her in any capacity is kind of weird.
- Making out/copping a feel on the subway is not fun and spontaneous, but rather a way to keep me from finding out that you live with your parents.
- Aspiring actor/musician is not a for-real job.
- Calling me at 3:30 AM when you’re loaded is never cute.
- Throwing on John Mayer before we “get a little crazy” is a deal-breaker. And my body is NOT a theme park. Jackass.
- Your penis: not an appropriate birthday gift.
This was novel. I wish I could read every post, but i have to go back to work now… But I’ll return.
“aspiring actor – musician is not a real job”
OUCH!
(circumstantial…i hope…)
I get it–I do–but I am actually a lady who is quite fond of video games. That said, foreplay is foreplay and I wouldn’t want to go from gaming to sex without a suitable adult-rated transition. (Which isn’t to say I won’t play Strip Mortal Kombat with you.)
And re: the mid-sex ass tap/slap, it’s always better to ask first (for most things!). Once you know, you are basically carrying around a tool belt of knowledge which you can unleash at any sexy time. If you know what I mean.
Finally, nothing leaves me slack and dry like John Mayer.
The last guy I was living with said that for my birthday, I’d get his dick in a box. I moved out less than a month later.
Funny jokes often do not equal good gift ideas.
What nut job would want to give their penis away, even metaphorically?