A mother explains Pride to a boy who has loved the rainbow parade all his life.
When he was two years old, my son marveled at the rainbow-colored balloon archway that spanned the courtyard in town. “Bah-woons!” he would screech, and heaven help us if we didn’t leave with a bah-woon of our own later in the day.
When he was three years old, my son watched as a variety of drag queens, all decked out to the nines, danced down the street, their hands waving and their wigs flowing.
“So many pretty ladies,” he whispered in awe.
When he was four, he quickly caught on to the fact that almost every float also tossed out brightly wrapped pieces of candy, and would zip in and out of the crowd, filling up his overalls with his bounty.
This past year, however, something seemed to click for him. He realized that this yearly event that causes our little city to burst at the seam with rainbows, loud music, and tourists actually celebrates something and wasn’t just carefully planned and executed to amuse balloon and candy lovers everywhere.
The night before Pride, we were in his bed, engaged in our usual pre-bedtime snuggle and chat. Sometimes we talked about our day, other times we made our plans for the next day.
“When’s the rainbow parade?” he asked, his body buzzing with excitement.
“Remember? It’s called Pride,” I gently corrected.
“Pride.”
His little voice echoed mine, and even through the darkness of his bedroom, I could see the little wheels turning in his head.
“What’s that?” He finally asked.
I took a moment to gather my thoughts, trying to figure out the best way to explain to my five year old just what Pride is all about. I must have taken too long, since I felt an insistent hand tugging at my sleeve.
“Well,” I began. “It’s a parade and big party where people celebrate. Because in some places, no matter how much you love somebody, you aren’t allowed to marry them if it’s two men or two women.”
I could almost feel his frustration as he grappled to understand my words. What I was telling him and what he has experienced didn’t seem to jive, and he told me as much. He reminded me of his many friends who had two moms or two dads. I tried to explain to him that it was a little different where we live. Our state not only recognizes gay marriage as a legal institution, but we live in our happy valley—one where same-sex parents are really de rigueur. My sweet, rainbow-loving son hasn’t experienced anything different, and at times that thrills me to no end, and at others I wonder if it paints an overly-optimistic view of the world at large. He just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that somewhere outside his bubble, people wouldn’t let other people love who they wanted.
As he sat with his confusion, I decided to come at it in another way.
“Hey bud,” I asked, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Do you know what Pride actually means?”
I could feel his hair brush against my arm as he shook his head no.
“Pride is being proud of who you are, no matter what. It means being proud of who you are, even if you stand out and don’t fit in with everyone else. Pride means loving yourself, even when people may say hateful things. Pride is knowing that you do your best, are kind and loving, and that is what matters.”
As I finished my little speech, I realized that truly, that is what Pride is for me. It’s a chance for us to celebrate and support my friends, family, and neighbors. It’s a chance to show that even if you’re a little (or a lot!) different than the status quo, that you can, and should, feel proud of who you are.
It seemed to sink in, and the next morning my son ransacked his costume drawer, ready to add his own brand of glitz and glamour to the proceedings. We ended up marching in the parade with his school, and I beamed with pride of my own as I watched his shout “Again!” to his friends, leading them in our chant: “…Be who you want to be, Monnnnnnntessori.”
Read more Gay Pride on The Good Life.
Photo courtesy of the author
I explained the relevance. You disagree. I’m fine with agreeing to disagree.
This meant to be in response to Nick Mostly.
Eric, The article doesn’t mention same sex parents, at all. It seems you assumed based on the author’s support for Pride, and open, honest communication about it with her son – that she is a lesbian?
It’s though heterosexual parents, same sex parents, single parents, grand-parents, foster parents, (you get my point), communicating like this with their children, that change and acceptance will happen.
Great piece! 🙂
I made no assumptions. Nor did I comment about the writer, or even imply anything about the writer. My comment was related to the below portion of the piece. “I could almost feel his frustration as he grappled to understand my words. What I was telling him and what he has experienced didn’t seem to jive, and he told me as much. He reminded me of his many friends who had two moms or two dads. I tried to explain to him that it was a little different where we live. Our state not only recognizes gay marriage as a… Read more »
Eric have you done extensive research on that, or are you basing your ‘findings’ on your personal assumptions and perspective.
what about kids with single parents? because one of their parents left/died/is an addict/etc.?
“This issue has nothing to do with same sex marriage or relationships”
The what the hell are you doing posting about it on a flipping piece about a Pride. FFS!
That was rhetorical. Don’t even bother replying.
Not being raised by their bio mother AND their father is not exclusive to same sex couples. We talk here a LOT about the benefits of fathers for boys and girls. The same is true of mothers. Nonetheless, it’s certainly possible for both bio parents to have a place in the child’s life, even if their bio parents are not married or not married to each other.
While my piece really has nothing to do with same-sex couples who parent, I couldn’t help but chime in here.
You can google anything these days. There are also plenty of studies that show that kids of same-sex couples do great. Please refer to this article in the NYTimes: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/08/magazine/08fob-wwln-t.html as well as Dr. Abbie Goldberg’s 2010 book on Lesbian and Gay parents: http://www.amazon.com/Lesbian-Gay-Parents-Their-Children/dp/1433805367
The piece specfically mentioned kids with two mommies and two daddies, which is what I commented on.
For a fact, many kids of single parents do just fine. Many kids raised by their grandparents (w/o any parents at all) do fine as well. My grandmother helped to raise over 20 foster children since they had no parents at all.
Some went on to become attorneys, police officers, and other useful members of society. So, children can make it with no parents at all. However, I still don’t believe that mothers and fathers have no value.
Matriage and co-parenthood aren’t neceassrily synonymous. Plenty of kids parents arent married to each other. It would be nice for each child to have at least one mother and one father, even if they aren’t married to each other. Since men and women aren’t interchangable, mothers and fathers aren’t fully interchangable..Children of SS partners often dont get the experience and benefit of having a mother (or two) AND a father (or two). Thus, having two of one doesn’t fully compensate for having none of the other. Regardless of the marriage of either of their bio parents, it would be nice… Read more »
Eric, what exactly is your point, here, and how is it relevant to this essay?
The point? I wrote in very plain English.
Relevance? The essay commented on children with two same sex parents (and no opposite sex parents). That is what I addressed. But, that is obvious. I’m not sure why anyone would even need to ask.
I asked because I thought (and still think) your comment doesn’t appear to have any relevance to the actual essay. The essay was discussing “pride” and how the author came to understand her own sense of the word through the act of explaining it to her child, not the relative merits of co-parenting and same-sex marriages
Agreed, Nick, mostly, and my apologies to the author, Avi, and to readers, that it took me this long to find this thread.
Eric M., this is not an appropriate place to bring your agenda on parenting. You’ve been warned.