The rhythm of Will Flores’ days are too uncomfortable to dance to, even alone.
Fine for now …
1:45am day’s over. Done for now
Fine for now
This will be the last time I stumble to bed like this
I am dizzy
I am free and easy
witty repartee comes easy.
Green buds and brown chemicals make it easy
And okay
This last hit is okay right
No one can know
No one is here
Just me, I can justify the repeats
This is a rerun
We’ve scene this show before
That one last pull.
Reaching for the last good feeling
My arms are outstretched for it
Every night when just me
Justifying a revolution I relinquished
control to
Years ago.
As a child
I slept like I often do now
Unable to shake
Bad dreams, closeted skeletons
Or the sounds of screaming lovers
Lost for words.
Anything to feel good to fight it all back
Make me safe.
a touch, a tear.
Sometimes I tried helping them
Find the words.
That felt good for a time.
still feels good remembering
The smiles warmed me like the first kiss
From a new girl.
A scratch for the right itch.
Then I am roused from slumber
Wet bedsheets.
Soaked not with sweat,
The blood flow of aborted wet dreams.
Cut from my mind and their fruition
A little too soon.
5:30 I am high
And it’s not even morning. Yet
I run into the sun
To feel Good.
To sweat. Others problems
I’m free out here
On the tobacco road
Paved with bad habits
And reasons [excuses] to have them.
I’ve got miles to go before
I sleep. Again
Wash my self before stumbling to bed
As if it makes differences
I know they can smell it on me.
Brimstones, stale ganja and my old man’s favorite whiskey.
A subtle hint of fear,
And lack of impulse control
Momma would be so proud.
Of this self doubt
Then
Finding God in a pipe named Mary
I pray to her ‘til I pass out
4:20pm sounds like how fast I can
Run after one last drag.
I swear I can slow down.
Watch me function.
See No problems
I’m
Fine for now
I can breathe.
Deep.
In and exhale deep thoughts.
They all laugh for now.
Everything’s fine for now.
Everything is deep in my veins
The stronger the alchemy
The longer I stave off pain.
Till next time. The next day.
Fresh sunrises bring Fresh bags.
Groceries are spoiled by time
They reach home
I am not undone
I can still function
Inside here is still malfunction
Still screaming
My screams
I want out
The revolution must end sometime
This change is huge
But I am still stuck.
Looking out in a world a left behind in grade school.
I am out of touch
The outsider looking to fit in
Always moving
on to the next binge
The Next porno.
Touch more
Buy more
Fuck all I want
And I’ll fuck what I need, too
Discard it all away
Because I don’t have Anything better
To do
And no friends to
Not do it with
This is the Next hit.
Last hit. That’s what this is.
Next time I can feel good
And stay safe inside.
This is not safe
This is not a good feeling
This is me feeling
something Else.
This is not me.
This is me waking up
My dreams are lucid and honest
The skeletons staring in them
Are performing fluid routines
to my Favorite songs.
And I feel again.
Feel pain and what I need
To make me strong
And make differences.
But I’m still swigging on
My father’s whiskey
And praying
To the wrong god
Have a legacy not too far behind
And generations worth of demons to pass on
2:02am I am high
In a few hours I
will function
I will be fine for now …
Read more on Addiction on The Good Life.
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