Messages of fear that are part of our daily self-talk can be either helpful or harmful. The key to attractive inner communication, as it pertains to fear, is to be selective with what we fear. It is important to choose between fears that help and fears that hurt. Helpful fears include the fear of touching something that could burn our skin, the fear of drinking alcohol and driving, the fear of smoking, the fear of unprotected intimate relations, the fear of speeding excessively, and so on.
There are also hurtful fears. In the area of communication, one is the fear of public speaking. This fear must be excluded from our self-talk because it can keep us from expressing our thoughts to larger social and business audiences. To justify our avoidance of public speaking, we might argue that we don’t want to sound stupid or be embarrassed.
However, if we diligently prepare our thoughts and communicate them effectively and respectfully, people will be persuaded or at least will be respectful. If they act rudely and disrespectfully when we speak, that is their concern, not ours. Still, we can benefit because we obtain information about such people.
Fear of approaching others in social or business settings is another hurtful fear to be avoided. To justify our avoidance of approaching and engaging others to communicate, we might argue that “if we do not approach ________, we won’t have to deal with the pain of rejection.”
However, in this case, rejection is not being avoided; information is being avoided.
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In the world, billions of introductions have been made that led to successful personal or business relationships. Not everyone is a right match for us. Also, we are not a right match for everyone.
If we’re not a match for someone or if someone is not a match for us, learning that truth is information, not rejection. We can guarantee getting valuable information if we approach others and if we communicate with them. However, if we never take those steps, we guarantee not knowing what could have been.
Action Plan for Inner Fear Messaging
Way 284
When you speak in public, as long as you are prepared and communicate attractively, you will be respected. People may not always agree with you, but they will respect you. If they don’t, it is their problem, not yours.
Way 285
Feel free to approach others and communicate in social and business settings. Realize that any response you get in return is information, not rejection. When communicating with yourself, say something like this: “I believe in the value of information, so I’m going to get the valuable information no matter what the response will be.”
Way 286
When communicating with yourself, also say something like this: “I’m proud of myself for making an effort and guaranteeing I receive valuable information.”
After receiving his business degree in 1990, Michael Rooni went to law school for formal education and training in law and mediation. As part of his education and training, he focused on the clinical and practical applications of communication and dispute resolution. He enrolled in multiple clinical programs and in 1992 began helping real people resolve real conflicts using mediation and communication skills. He earned his doctorate in jurisprudence in 1993 and has been a member of the State
Bar of California since 1994. He is an appointee to the Los Angeles Superior Court Voluntary Settlement Conference Panel. Mr. Rooni has helped resolve very complex and contentious personal, business, and legal conflicts using litigation, mediation, and communication methods. Currently, he mediates high-conflict disputes and trains corporate employees, business owners, couples, and individuals in the fields of
communication and dispute resolution. He has participated in, observed, and studied thousands of communications in his search for the most attractive and effective communication and dispute resolution methods.
Mr. Rooni is a sought-after, high-impact speaker, practitioner, and consultant in the areas of communicative effectiveness and dispute resolution.
