This is an excerpt from Michael Rooni’s book, Attractive Communication.
Messages of fear that are part of our daily self-talk can be either helpful or harmful. The key to attractive inner communication, as it pertains to fear, is to be selective with what we fear. It is important to choose between fears that help and fears that hurt. Helpful fears include the fear of touching something that could burn our skin, the fear of drinking alcohol and driving, the fear of smoking, the fear of unprotected intimate relations, the fear of speeding excessively, and so on.
There are also hurtful fears. In the area of communication, one is the fear of public speaking. This fear must be excluded from our self-talk because it can keep us from expressing our thoughts to larger social and business audiences. To justify our avoidance of public speaking, we might argue that we don’t want to sound stupid or be embarrassed.
However, if we diligently prepare our thoughts and communicate them effectively and respectfully, people will be persuaded or at least will be respectful. If they act rudely and disrespectfully when we speak, that is their concern, not ours. Still, we can benefit because we obtain information about such people.
Fear of approaching others in social or business settings is another hurtful fear to be avoided. To justify our avoidance of approaching and engaging others to communicate, we might argue that “if we do not approach ________, we won’t have to deal with the pain of rejection.”
However, in this case, rejection is not being avoided; information is being avoided.
In the world, billions of introductions have been made that led to successful personal or business relationships. Not everyone is a right match for us. Also, we are not a right match for everyone.
If we’re not a match for someone or if someone is not a match for us, learning that truth is information, not rejection. We can guarantee getting valuable information if we approach others and if we communicate with them. However, if we never take those steps, we guarantee not knowing what could have been.
Action Plan for Inner Fear Messaging
When you speak in public, as long as you are prepared and communicate attractively, you will be respected. People may not always agree with you, but they will respect you. If they don’t, it is their problem, not yours.
Feel free to approach others and communicate in social and business settings. Realize that any response you get in return is information, not rejection. When communicating with yourself, say something like this: “I believe in the value of information, so I’m going to get the valuable information no matter what the response will be.”
When communicating with yourself, also say something like this: “I’m proud of myself for making an effort and guaranteeing I receive valuable information.”
Purchase Michael Rooni’s book: Attractive Communication 300 Ways to Make Communication More Attractive.
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