Thomas Creedy continues to learn about gender through Christian grace.
Being 21, engaged to be married, Christian, fairly conservative and white and male probably makes me a minority these days. If it doesn’t, then there’s still work to do for some people.
I want to say something that will be immensely unpopular, but I hope also challenging, refreshing, and in some way reasonable. I’ve been raised in a Christian household, attended Church—at first unwillingly, then willingly—all my life, and this reflects on my understanding of life, gender, and ethics.
I’m marrying a wonderful, beautiful, out-of-my-league-except-by-what-we-Christians-call-God’s-grace Christian girl from a similar but different background. Thats always been expected of me—though I could easily have gone a number of ways. My parents—wonderful, conservative Calvinists that they are—have always encouraged me to examine, question, and think about things. And, actually, honestly, the Christian ethic and approach to gender—or, at least the one I know and live—definitively works for me.
It’s conventional to bash those of us who hold a conservative, or more derogatorily, “traditional” ethic regarding sex, gender, and masculinity—but I’m very grateful for it. I’ve had to adapt over the years as different people, different persepectives and different lifestyles made their mark on my life —but I’m slowly learning that Jesus’ ethic really is the best way to live.
Relating to others—loving others—as you would have them relate to yourself. Wanting the best—God’s best—for them above your own interests. Hoping for the best possible outcome. Being sacrificial in hospitality. These are things that define my ethics—even as I completely fail to realize them on a regular basis. I’m still human—I’m not Jesus.
My views on gender have evolved as I—and my faith—have reached this strange process called “maturity.” I’ve been involved in reading all sorts of things since coming to university—I discovered that a traditional, hierarchalist mentality singularly failed to be useful in an academic context—even the faith-friendly discipline of theology. But, actually, the core of that traditional understanding remains entirely valid. Not universal, but definitively applicable. I honestly believe that there are two “kinds”—male and female. I believe that identity is not restricted or limited to gender (or sexuality, or class, or race, or preference, or anything like that), and think that psychology has a huge amount to teach us about how gender identity is constructed.
Regarding gender roles—and I’m sure this will be unpopular—I DO think there is a difference between men and women. I’m reminded of an older, brilliant pastor, who said (the man has 3 daughters!) that his girls could be anything—except a husband, a father, or an elder. I think that rings true—the latter being fairly irrelevant in a secular sense. I believe that there is a distinction—which goes to the heart of our language—between male and female—but I also accept the need for space for those who do not conform or “fit” so easily into those definitions. In fact, my faith and faith-ethics have equipped me to be prepared for those who don’t wish to define as “normal,” whatever that may mean.
One of the things I am consistently learning and re-learning about God is that God is infinitely bigger, more varied, wildly loving, and diverse than I could have imagined. I believe God is ultimately concerned with good—and with order—even though sometimes circumstances—especially in the lives of individuals—don’t seem to reflect that. But I hope in something, believe in something, that gives an innate worth to EVERY human being—regardless of what they do, are, or think. No one, in my understanding, is beyond redemption.
And that is where the Christian idea of Grace—in a salvific and relational sense—is so useful.
With Grace, I can talk to people I can’t understand and utterly disagree with.
With Grace, I can start to change and be open to different things.
With Grace, I can be immensely grateful for what God has done in my life—and seek to uphold that in the lives of others.
I might be wrong about things. Thats part of the job description of a man. But I’m trying to do the best with my limited faculties. That, for me, is what being a good man is. Treating others with Grace—because God did first, and because it’s what I believe I’m called to do. And so I’m grateful for my background, even as I understand and research more and more of what’s going on.
—Photo credit: r.f.m II/Flickr
Im an Atheist however I really enjoy reading the articles in the ‘Spirituality Section’.
It brings new voices (the great majority of people believe in an Intelligent First Cause), and new male perspectives to GMP – how faith guides and instructs men in their masculinities
As the GMP’s resident religion basher, I’d like to openly concur. Thanks for joining the conversation Thomas.
I like what you wrote but it appears that you may be walking on eggshells. Treading lightly so as to not offend. I know what that can be like. I can feel the heat of the breath of many who are waiting in the wings. I assure you, once you clarify the “roles” some will come out with guns a blazing. One thing you said about in your childhood your faith was once forced but you are now willing is similar to many people. Heck yeah, as a child, I too was pretty much forced but later I clearly see… Read more »
@Tom B: “We’re all sinners and accordingly we have no room to hate people. There is nothing to “reconcile.”” Tom, that could be true for you, but not for somebody else. As I said above to the author, many don’t “walk their talk”: they talk about love but they don’t practice it. Maybe you’re not like that, and I’m glad about it, but you can’t deny such people exists. As a matter of fact, believers are more hateful than atheists, on average. 😕 Just because someone believe in a wonderful theory, it’s doesn’t mean they live by it. “In theory,… Read more »
It may sound strange, but it actually makes total sense that religious people are more prone to judging, or even hate. When you ascribe to a religion you inherit, among other things, a set of ethics to follow. (I don’t believe that the ethics are really the heart of what being a Christian means, but that’s another conversation.) As you continue to seek this, it’s very easy to build self-righteousness…look at how hard I’ve worked to grow in these ways…and even build resentment for those who don’t “seem” to be trying. Yes, this is fairly screwed up and ignores the… Read more »
I’m puzzled by the lack of specifics and explanations…
And I wonder: could it be because, if he really explained his vision, he could not reconcile being a “conservative” and loving people outside if his “rules”?
Could it be he just skipped over this contradiction?
… or maybe it’s just my cynicism talking… 😉
I’d hope that, in my definition of conservative, that would necessarily entail loving people outside of my ‘rules’, because that sort of radical love is one of the oldest ideas in my faith 🙂
@Thomas Creedy: “that would necessarily entail loving people outside of my ‘rules’” Thomas, I’m glad to hear that. So many times I see people who declare love in theory, but are full of hate and despise in practice. 🙁 It looks like you are not like that, and you really believe in “radical love”. I applaud that. 🙂 I’m not a conservative, but I’m ok with people thinking differently than me… as long as there’s mutual respect. Likewise, I’m not a Christian, but I appreciate most of Christ’s teachings. Alas, as many noted, beliefs and practice don’t always go and… Read more »
I’m glad you are suspicious – Christians have not done a good job at being accepting – its why I think its up to individuals to live as Christ intended, and live in a trajectory that echoes God’s will.
For some, that might mean change they would not willingly embrace – for others it means facing up to things.
Its a journey. But with Jesus, the best journey-wingman, into God’s love, the best destination.
“But with Jesus, the best journey-wingman, into God’s love, the best destination.”
Well, looks like you’re the “real deal”. 😉
I wish you the best for your journey, and I’m curious to read more from you about this topic.
BTW, I like the concept of grace.
Yes, please be more specific on those differences and I’d love to know why women can’t be elders.
I kind of echo Lynn in that you kept mentioning that you believe in traditional gender identities and roles…but you didn’t quite explain what you mean. Also there’s this: “In fact, my faith and faith-ethics have equipped me to be prepared for those who don’t wish to define as “normal,” whatever that may mean.” The sentiment is great…but where I feel the need to pick at you is with the phrase “don’t wish to define as normal.” I have yet to meet a person (outside of high school) who doesn’t wish to define as normal. I want my identity to… Read more »
I was interested to read what your views are of HOW the genders are different, and I don’t think you actually explained it.
Hi, Author here!
I apologise as this seems to be a common theme – I was writing effectively an exploratory post, which snowballed on my own blog into a discussion of gender roles with specific reference to church leadership. There should be a post going live later today which deals with this further.
I think it is great that you view gender through the lens of God’s grace,