Is there something about your life that people assume is a positive, but you think is a negative?
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A few months ago I had the tremendous good fortune and pleasure to share space and time with two fabulous women I’ve been able to get to know thanks to Twitter. Though they had never met before, Caitlyn and Pia had a lot in common–both are extremely talented, intelligent and beautiful women who also happen to be six feet tall.
One of the interesting discoveries I’ve made in the past few years are the counter-intuitive similarities found in the lives of short men and tall women. Turns out we have a lot in common–especially the way other people feel strangely comfortable commenting about our bodies in ways they don’t even seem to be aware could be considered rude. But what I found interesting when I discussed this with both of them was that many of the people who brought up their height to them did so in a way that indicated they believed it was a tremendous advantage, which bore little relation to the realities that come from standing out as they do.
And it made me wonder about the various traits some of us have that others assume are incredibly beneficial, but we have always personally regarded as detrimental. Is there anything about your life that people assume is so much greener than grass they have growing on their side of the fence?
Being a big and tall guy.
People who aren’t big and tall (especially women) think its some sort of magical field that defuses any attempts at aggression and life is just smooth sailing.
My childhood
Yes, the large breast thing sucks. It’s uncomfortable. I hate bras. Always worried ppl can see thru my shirt if I’m avoiding wearing a bra… Swim suit tops always tie behind the neck, I haved to wear a sport bra swimming.
Although Pia and Caitlin have 3 inches on me, I do still identify as having tall girl problems a)because I like big shoes and b)because men my height or above still prefer much shorter women on average. However, something that’s been a mixed bag for me is consistently appearing/coming off as younger than I am. As I get older, yes, I don’t mind looking like I’m not my age, but I also have a high-pitched voice and a “youthful” demeanor which means I don’t get taken seriously sometimes. Like, on the phone with vendors I need to perform services for… Read more »
I’m 4’10”. I’m 27 years old. I CANNOT go through ONE day of work without a guy asking me if I’m old enough to work there. (No woman has ever asked me this). ONE that isn’t nearly as offensive as it is disturbing is when women hear that I weigh 100lbs and lament how they WISH they could wieght 100 lbs.. NO, not loose 6″ of height and weight 100lbs. Just weight 100lbs..just why? So men like to tell me I look like a 12 year old (which is REALLY creepy as some are using this to hit on me)… Read more »
Having large breasts! People do the same: make comments about your body assuming they are welcome, or touching you without even asking. Men & women, straight and gay, have grabbed by boobs without consent and some have done so hard enough to leave fingermark bruises on me. As if because I have large boobs I am public property and you can just assault me whenever you want to. Plus, people assume I want my breasts stared at or talked about. People will ask me if they are fake all the time. It seriously never ends and I am actually considering… Read more »
If you’re planning on getting a reduction, wait until after you have kids (if that’s in your plan). That’s my two cents, not that you asked for it, haha.
Geez Danielle, that’s pretty sucky. I wonder if that’s a common experience with women with large breasts. I’m quite petite and look young for my age. People mistake me for being a lot younger. I don’t think this is a compliment. One time, a group of my co-workers and I went to a bar. The bouncer sitting by the door thought one of my co-workers was my mother and told her I wasn’t old enough to be in there. :/ That was embarrassing for both of us. People often think they can say things about my size because of how… Read more »
Yes Erin,as someone who’s been very well endowed since I was 10,having strangers accost you physically,argue with you that your breasts must be fake,poke,prod,squeeze,comment on them,talk about how much free stuff you must get with them(like manipulating people is something I should fricking aspire to),etc. is a common experience. It happens not only to me,but to my other female friends who are small to average frame,with large breasts. Danielle,((hugs)).
TRUTH. In high school my friends CONSTANTLY made comments about my chest, which, being in high school, I was very self conscious about. They were so rude. Yet, they thought they were totally in bounds because “Doesn’t every girl want a huge rack?” Nope, guys. It’s just one extra boundary to being taken seriously as intelligent, professional, educated, opinionated woman. It’s just one extra cheap shot that people can take when they deflate anything serious you say. It’s attention most women don’t want, contrary to what all-male script writing teams in Hollywood socialize people to think. I’m learning to be… Read more »
Second on the truth. I’ve been large breasted (but not otherwise large framed) since I was 13, and while men, as I get older, say less and less about it, WOMEN are the biggest offenders. Women I hardly know think saying things like “I thought I lost you but I realized I could just look for the chick with the huge rack” is par for the course. I am SICK of being asked “But you have horrible back problems, right?” or “Why don’t you get a reduction?” or “Are they real?”. The answer is No, I don’t have any desire… Read more »
First, I love this photo and was so excited to see it gracing our front page today! Second, while I would never call being “traditionally attractive” any sort of a negative (this is not a time for false modesty, I don’t think I’m any great beauty, but I fall under the category of at least “acceptable by mainstream society” as far as beauty goes), I was just this morning telling my husband about what it was like in high school to be who i was (basically the same as I am now – political, opinionated, feminist, independent) and also to… Read more »
If you don’t mind me asking, what is the advantage people perceive a short man as having? Being less threatening? More comfort in long journeys inside small cars? A handy Freudian excuse if you ever invade a neighboring country?
About me, my mother thought she had done a great job to make me a socially inhibited sports-averse science nerd. Like, she had helped me to one day get the Nobel prize. Haha!
Most things are designed with short people in mind rather than tall or average people in mind. I’m not tall, at 5’10” I’m more or less exactly average for somebody of my age, but I still find myself suffering from shoulder and neck pain whenever I’m using desks and other things designed for typical people. I also find that the height of stairs is rather awkward in that it’s probably 2/3 of the height that it should be, which leads to taking tiny steps or huge steps. Not that it’s really a bad deal over all, it’s nice to be… Read more »